Talk You Down
by HElizabethG
Summary: 6-year-old Meredith goes to her neighbors house with a broken arm. From then on Carolyn Shepherd promises to take care of the lonely girl. After that, it's her son who promises the same thing for eternity. But will she give him the chance to? AU MerDer.
1. Cooties

**A/N: ******So this is based partially on a love story from one of my top 5 favorite TV shows. Feel free to guess as we go, not all of you watch it, I bet, but it's awesome. It's not solely based on the love story but for one major event I got the idea from that particular show.****

********If you haven't liked my stuff in the past, try this. I've really been working on my writing and this will be a fun story.****

********It's going to start off plain old cute and fluffy for a while but it won't stay that way forever and hopefully, when it changes, it will break your heart.****

********I might also try a little more M rated stuff in this fic... I'll try. I found out my fellow virgin friend has written it so, I'm feeling a little better about it and less blushy (yes, that's an adjective in my mind).****

****WARNING: This includes time jumps. But they'll be clear as day.****

**Inspired by the song _Talk You Down_ by (the best band ever) The Script**  
><em>I can feel the color running<em>  
><em>As it's fading from my face<em>  
><em>Try to speak but nothings coming<em>  
><em>Nothing I could say to make you stay<em>  
><em>Grabbed your suitcase called a taxi<em>  
><em>It's 3am now where you gonna go?<em>  
><em>Gonna stay with friends in London<em>  
><em>And that's all I get to know <em>

_Just a cigarette gone_  
><em>No you couldn't' be that far<em>  
><em>So I'm driving my car to where I hope you are<em>  
><em>Maybe I can talk you down<em>  
><em>Maybe I can talk you down<em>

_We're standing on a tiny ledge_  
><em>Before this goes over the edge<em>  
><em>Gonna use my heart and not my head<em>  
><em>and try to open up your eyes<em>  
><em>This is relationship suicide<em>

_Cos if you go, I go..._  
><em>Taking shortcuts through the alleys<em>  
><em>While your racing through my mind<em>  
><em>Cops can chase but they wont catch me<em>  
><em>Not before I get to speak my mind<em>  
><em>If there's still time <em>

_Just a cigarette gone_  
><em>No you couldn't be that far<em>  
><em>So I'm driving in my car where I hope you are<em>  
><em>Maybe I can talk you down<em>  
><em>Maybe I can talk you down<em>

_We're standing on a tiny ledge_  
><em>Before this goes over the edge<em>  
><em>Gonna use my heart and not my head<em>  
><em>and try to open up your eyes<em>  
><em>This is Relationship suicide <em>

_Cos if you go, I go..._  
><em>Cos if you go, I go...<em>  
><em>Cos if you go, I go...<em>  
><em>Cos if you go, I go...<em>

_We're standing on a tiny ledge_  
><em>Before this goes over the edge<em>  
><em>Gonna use my heart and not my head <em>

_Just a cigarette gone_  
><em>No you couldn't be that far<em>  
><em>So I'm driving in my car where I hope you are<em>  
><em>Maybe I can talk you down<em>  
><em>Maybe I can turn around<em>

_We're standing on a tiny ledge_  
><em>Before this goes over the edge<em>  
><em>Gonna use my heart and not my head<em>  
><em>and try to open up your eyes<em>  
><em>This is Relationship suicide <em>

XXX

**September 17, 1985**

Meredith bottom lip quivered violently as she picked herself up off the hard, wooden floor of the foyer. Salty tears started to stream down her face, an anguished sob escaping her lips. Her tiny hand cradled her arm gently against her chest as she made her way towards the front door of the large house. Butterflies the size of pterodactyls fluttered in her stomach; she was scared. Her warm skin closed around the cool, metal handle of the doorknob and pulled the door open. With swift little feet she cut across the moist green lawn to the noticeably smaller house next door. Dulled, autumn sunlight lit her face, seeping into her eyes. She blinked more tears out of her eyes and made a small sniffling noise.

Treading to the front door of the green house she moved her hand away from her pain filled arm, rang the doorbell, and waited for someone to answer. An older, plump woman with dark brown hair opened the door and looked down at the little girl. Her motherly eyes scanned over the girl, taking in her long blonde hair, which fell in front of her face, soaking in front from the lines of wetness falling down her cheeks.

"Meredith, come in," the woman said kindly, gently leading the crying girl into the entryway. The house smelled of fresh baked cookies; it was a homey scent that Ellis Grey's antiseptic and cleaning product smelling house lacked. "What happened to your arm?" the woman asked kindly, her eyes glancing to the arm the small girl was obviously favoring.

"I fell down some stairs," sobbed Meredith softly. "It hurts real bad."

"Oh dear. Where is your mommy?" she questioned, kneeling beside the girl.

"At the hosbible. She's surgeoning people."

"Of course," said Carolyn, trying to hide her distaste for the girl's mother. The woman was cold and could be cruel when she wanted. They'd been neighbors for years and the only words she'd heard come out of the woman towards anyone were ones of annoyance and anger. "Where's your baby sitter, sweetheart? Isn't she supposed to be here when your mom isn't?"

"Lia had to go away to graduate school and my mommy hasn't had time to find a new Lia," she sniffled. "So she said I was a big girl and I gotta takes care of myself for a few hours."

Carolyn couldn't believe Dr. Grey would be stupid enough to leave a six year old alone in a big house like theirs but, she was that uncaring about her daughter's safety. "Can I take a look at your arm, sweetie? I'm a nurse."

"My mommy said nurses are stupid."

"Well, I promise you, I'm not stupid," she assured the little girl firmly, with a smile, holding back further distain for the pompous, ego driven, woman.

Meredith nodded, presenting her arm to the woman who looked over the swelling limb carefully. "It looks broken," she said softly. "Why don't I take you to the doctors so they can fix it up for you? It'll make it feel all better. Make sure you don't move it until the doctor fixes it."

"I'm scared," sobbed Meredith, her body shaking like a earthquake in fear.

"It'll be okay. While I get my car keys and some ice for your arm, why don't you start picking out what color cast you want." Meredith smiled slightly. "Do you mind if Derek comes with us? His big sisters and his father aren't here to stay with him."

"Okay," she replied meekly, indifferent to the presence of the boy from her class. Using her good arm she wiped away clear snot as it dripped from her nose.

Carolyn ran a soothing, supportive hand over Meredith's soft golden locks, staring down pitifully at the little girl. "Derek!" she called up to her son. "Can you please come down here?" Moments later the pitter-patter of small feet echoed over them and moved to the staircase. The dark haired boy appeared, his little legs clambering down the stairs. He wore a T-shirt with a dinosaur on it and a pair of blue jeans; his raven curls bounced on top of his small head.

"Get your shoes on," Carolyn instructed her son. "Meredith hurt her arm and we've got to take her to the hospital." Derek's innocent green eyes scanned his classmate quickly before he nodded and ran off to grab his shoes. "Just hang on one minute, Meredith, and we'll get your arm all fixed up." Meredith stood awkwardly in the entryway while Carolyn rushed into the kitchen to get ice and her keys.

"Okay." Derek came racing back in, black strappy sneakers with Disney characters on them. He stared at Meredith momentarily. Though they were classmates, he never talked to her. Girls had cooties; his friend Andrew said so. Boys weren't supposed to be friends with them until they got old and they had to get married. Derek assumed the cooties went away by then. He wasn't even sure what cooties were but, he knew they were bad. Meredith didn't look like she had cooties though; she looked nice, besides the crying.

"Let's go." Carolyn walked back into the room and led the two children towards the bulky, blue minivan that rested in the driveway. After helping Meredith settle into the bucket seat in the back next to Derek, she slid in the driver's seat and pulled out of the driveway. Meredith gave a little sniff as she rested her head against the gray seat. Her arm throbbed in pain, her eyes stung from the salty tears that continued to fall out of her green eyes. "Did you pick out what color cast you want?" questioned Carolyn, trying to distract the girl.

"Pink."

"That's a pretty choice, Meredith."

"Pink sucks," grumbled Derek.

"Derek, that's not a nice word," scolded his mother.

"Sorry."

"I think pink is a beautiful choice."

"Blue is better."

Meredith peeked out from under her tear soaked eyelashes to look at Derek. "Pink is pretty. Blue is nice too but pink is the bestist."

"You're such a girl."

"I am a girl," she said indignantly.

The rest of the car ride was blanked in near silence; the only sound heard were the quieted sobs and sniffles of Meredith as she pressed her forehead against the cool glass of the window. Minutes ticked by slowly until the car pulled up to the hauntingly large, cold-looking hospital building. Meredith's eyes bulged in fear as she stared at the stone building. "This is where my mommy works," said Meredith nervously through her tears, which intensified into full out sobbing. "She can't know I'm here. She'll be so mad and say I wasn't bein' careful on the stairs. I was! I just slipped!"

"It's alright, dear. I know you were being careful even if your mother doesn't believe it."

"Okay."

"Now, why don't you and Derek go stand by the wall? I'll park the car and come back for you."

Derek nodded and slid out of his seat slowly, his feet taking time to hit the gray, carpeted floor of the car. Meredith carefully reached to press the red tab, unbuckling her seat belt with a quick snap. Cautiously, she reached with her uninjured arm to pull the door. Then she sat on the floor to slide out of the van. Derek appeared at her side and he shut the door for her.

"Stand in the corner and hold hands!" Carolyn called out to them. Meredith slid her hand in Derek's and they walked into the corner.

"Does it hurt?" questioned Derek meekly and he turned to look at Meredith. She looked down at her arm and nodded softly. "Sorry."

"Why'd you say sorry?" she whimpered.

"I dunno. That's what your s'posed to say when peoples are hurt."

"Oh."

They stood silently, Meredith's nose and eyes still dripping, her mouth occasionally leaking a sob of pain. Carolyn rushed up to the two children, guiding them into the hospital. She sat them in two of the plastic waiting room chairs as she signed Meredith in. The hospital was cold and smelled heavily of antiseptic. White walls surrounded them, giving the whole room a sterile feel; sterile, cold, and unwelcoming. At the nurses' station, along with using her pull among her fellow nurses, Carolyn mentioned to the nurses that the little girl with her belonged to Ellis Grey. Every nurse's eyes burst open in fear and intimidation.

Turning her head slightly, she saw Meredith still sobbing quietly in her chair, sitting perfectly still. Her heart broke for the small girl; her nose was dripping heavily and her eyes were puffy and red from her tears. Next to her, Derek slouched in his seat, kicking his feet back and forth wildly as his eyes stared at the white, tiled floor. His mother walked up beside him, running her hand over his dark curls before kissing the top of his head. "Thank you for being such a good boy, Derek," she smiled.

"You're welcome, mommy."

Within moments a doctor approached them. "I'm Martha Jones, the head of Peds," she introduced herself, her British accent infused voice as bubbly as a soda. She had shoulder length, straight black hair and creamy mocha skin. "I hear we have Meredith Grey here with a broken arm." Her dark brown eyes moved to the little girl, immediately noticing the resemblance between her and Ellis. "Well, why don't you three follow me in and we'll set that arm for you right away."

Carolyn ushered the kids towards the cold, plain, sterile exam room like a sheep wrangling cattle. Dr. Jones helped Meredith on to the teal exam table. The white, thin paper, covering the teal surface, crinkled noisily as she scooted backwards on the table.

"Okay, Meredith," said Dr. Jones sweetly as she collected all her materials from a metal cart in the corner of the room. Sterile packages sat in the crease of her arm as she turned back. "I'm going to have to give you a little needle in your arm so when I fix your other arm, it won't hurt much. Okay?" Eyes wide with fear, she looked towards Mrs. Shepherd who volunteered her hand for Meredith to hold. "I promise it won't hurt that much." After securing the white, standard issue latex gloves on her hand she pulled out the needle, tied the truncate around Meredith's arm tightly, found a vein, and looked up at Meredith with a smile. "Ready? One, two…small prick."

Meredith winced and let out a short sob as the needle pierced through her pale, milky skin. Her soft, tiny hand squeezed Carolyn's larger one. "Good job," grinned Dr. Jones. "Now, I just have to set up the x-ray equipment. Would you and your son mind going outside just for a minute?" Carolyn nodded and pulled Derek out of the room. Meredith's eyes followed after them nervously as the door shut. "This won't hurt a bit, Meredith. Then they can come back. Did you decide what color cast you want? We have a lot of options," said Dr. Jones happily.

"Pink," she replied definitively.

"Pink Good choice. Okay, this is just going to be like taking a picture, Meredith. But, the picture is going to be of your bone."

She nodded in understanding, watching intently at what the doctor was doing. Dr. Jones quickly took the x-rays, beckoned the Shepherds back into the room, and walked out to get the results.

"How is your arm feeling?" questioned Carolyn.

"Better. The medicine helps."

"That's good."

Meredith's eyelids dipped, the medicine coupled with the excitement of the day exhausted her. She held Carolyn's hand for comfort as she tried to force her eyelids open. Minutes later, having put a rush on the x-rays, Dr. Jones strode in and began setting Meredith's arm.

"Meredith Grey!" said an intimidating, booming voice as the door of the room swung open moments later. Ellis Grey strode in, her confidence radiating out of every pore. Short blonde curls were pulled back under a dark blue scrub cap. "You broke your arm? What'd you do?"

"I tripped down the stairs."

"You were playing. You weren't being careful. Meredith, I trusted you to stay alone for a few hours. I thought you could be a big girl but you were just a big disappointment."

"I really did fall, mommy," she cried.

"And you put Mrs. Shepherd out, making her bring you here."

"It was no trouble, Dr. Grey," assured her Carolyn.

"Thank you for saying that."

"Dr. Grey, if you'd like Meredith could come home with Derek after school and stay until you get home," she suggested.

"But mom she's a girl," huffed Derek, crossing his arms across his slim chest.

"And you can have girls who are friends, Derek Shepherd. Don't be rude. I taught you better," she scolded.

"I don't want her to be an imposition," said Ellis definitively.

"It's no imposition. I already have had 4 girls, what's one more? She can play with Derek, he doesn't have many friends."

"Mom," Derek whined. Carolyn shot him an angry look and he shut his mouth, staring down to the floor.

"That would work fine. Now, I have a surgery. I'll see you later tonight, Meredith. And don't think we're done talking about your recklessness." Ellis threw one more irritated look at her daughter before storming out of the room. Her tiny body began to shake as tears and sobs escaped.

"Oh, dear, don't cry. It'll be okay," said Carolyn and she wrapped an arm around Meredith's shoulders. "We'll get your arm fixed up and then you can come home with me and you, Derek, and I will get ice cream for being such good sports. How is that?"

Meredith nodded but continued crying softly as Dr. Jones put several layers of soft cotton are wrapped around her arm before starting the fiberglass layer. Derek stayed in the corner, sitting in his chair, his feet thrashing like he were kicking at something in front of him. Boredom overshadowed his usually sunny disposition and a frown creased his lips.

Finally, a while later, Meredith's arm was covered in the pink protective case and resting in a blue sling. Carolyn thanked Dr. Jones and led the kids out of the sterile, cold, daunting hospital building and into the cool, refreshing, night, air.

_Oh, and everybody knows this is the part  
>Of breaking down in anybody's arms<br>I'm reaching down and hoping this one's ours_

XXX

**A/N: What'd you think? I'd really love to hear. And reviews encourage me to update *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*. **

**PS: I'll love you forever if you caught a reference from another TV show in there.**


	2. Surgeoner

**A/N: I can't even tell you how much those reviews meant to me! I've never had such a response to a fic before (welll, besides Life in Disguise but I'm much more proud of this fic than that one). **

**And, yay for _Miss Sunshine15_ and _jb288_ for getting the TV reference. It was Dr. Martha Jones (Doctor Who reference).**

_**alliemackenzie11- There will most definitely be a happy ending... eventually. But getting to the happy ending with be a long stretch of fluff and little drama until... the climax.**_

_**taelyn- Yes, they will be doctors, you know, when they're done being kids :)**_

**So, again thank you all for the amazing reviews, keep it up 'cause I need the happiness.**

**Final note, this happens right after the last chapter but then we time jump.**

XXX

"Christopher, we're back," called Carolyn as she pushed open the wooden door to the house.

Footsteps echoed through the foyer as a man stepped out of the shadows of the hallway. "Where have you been?" he questioned with a smile. The man was tall and slim with a brown mop of hair on top of his head. He had sparkly blue eyes like his son and the same dazzling smile. In jeans and a sweater with a dishtowel in his hand, he looked like the model father and husband. Leaning in, he rested a hand on his wife's arm and kissed her cheek lightly.

"We had to take Meredith to the hospital," she replied. "She broke her arm and her mother wasn't home."

"Meredith?" he queried, looking down at the little blonde girl.

"Meredith Grey, Dr. Grey's little girl. Dr. Grey left her all alone at home and she fell down the stairs."

Christopher frowned at the mother's misconduct before looking to Meredith. "Hello, Meredith," he said with a warm, bright grin.

Meredith peeked shyly from out under her eyelashes to up at the man. "Hi, Mr. Shepherd."

"Meredith is going to come home with Derek when her mom isn't around," said Carolyn, stroking Meredith's hair lovingly.

"Well, good. We needed some more girl in the house, didn't we, Derek?" he teased lightheartedly, grabbing his only son off the floor. Derek's butt rested on his father's arm, his arm wrapping around his father's shoulder. "Well, lets get out of the entryway. I have dinner."

Carolyn looked at him flabbergasted. "You cooked?"

"No," he laughed. "I got pizza with the girls and brought some back for you."

"Of course," she chuckled.

"Pizza!" exclaimed Derek happily, sliding out of his father's grasp to hurry into the kitchen.

"Lets eat, then. Meredith and Derek, wash your hands then come sit at the table," she told them as they walked towards the kitchen. A silent Meredith followed Derek towards the bathroom where they both washed their hands, Meredith avoiding her cast, before hurrying towards the kitchen table. Christopher had cut her pizza into squares, just the way her dad used to.

"I cut your pizza up, Meredith. I thought it might be easier to eat because of your arm," he said.

"Thank you," she beamed, scrambling to get into the chair they left for her.

They four sat, ate, and then cleaned the table. "Meredith, Derek, why don't you two go play upstairs?" smiled Carolyn.

Derek gave his mom an exasperated look before beckoning Meredith to follow him. She did so solemnly, following him until they reached a room with blue wallpaper with baseball bat trim. "What do you want to play?" he muttered.

"Wanna play surgeoner?" she questioned softly.

"How do you play?"

"Well, we get a sick Teddy Bear and save his life by surgeoning him."

"You know how to surgeon things?"

"Well, I've seen my mommy do it sometimes."

"That's so cool," grinned Derek, forgetting his previous qualms about playing with a girl.

"Maybe one day you could come with me to see her surgeon stuff," Meredith suggested, as she gained more confidence, her shyness slipping away like a molting snake.

"Really?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah. I just go sit in a room above the surgeoning room and watch and draw on paper."

"Let's play!" said Derek happily. They quickly grabbed a bear and began performing their fake operation together.

XXX

"Meredith seems like a sweet little girl. Very quiet though," noted Christopher as they walked up the stairs to check on all the kids.

"I think she's just shy, new people and all," replied Carolyn. Stopping in front of Derek's door they saw the two kids smiling and playing with a Teddy Bear.

"What are you two playing?" asked Christopher.

"Shh, dad," said Derek sternly. "We're playing surgeoner. We're in the middle of an operation."

"Sorry," he apologized with a laugh. The adults leaned against the door frame, quietly watching the children play. "You know, most families bring home stray pets, not people," teased Christopher.

Carolyn smacked him in the chest. "Shush, you."

"Don't think we'll get rid of her."

"Hmm," hummed Carolyn. "What's one more girl around the house?"

"Nothing," he smiled." They stood in the doorway, Christopher's arm securely around his wife's shoulders as they watched the children laugh and play, Meredith quickly securing a place in both of their hearts.

_Living life is fun and we've just begun  
><em>_To get our share of the world's delights  
><em>_High hopes we have for the future_

XXX

**A/N: So, what'd you think? This was just a little extra kid!MerDer fluff. The next chapter is... you'll see.**


	3. B Life

**A/N: So, this arc of 3 chapters is a little more... lets say, angsty. But then it'll go back to fluff. And you want that fluff. Seriously. It's some damn fluffy, happy fluff. But this just had to happen to make this story realistic.**

**Never did a disclaimer so...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or Meredith, Derek, or any characters I use. I'm glad I don't own Grey's Anatomy because it's gone to the dogs and right now I'd be embarrassed to call myself the Head Writer (yes, that's a bash at you, stupid Shonda).**

XXX

**5 YEARS LATER- November 10, 1990**

The brisk November air swirled around them, pushing the fallen, dead leaves into a swirling flight around the trees. Derek pulled his coat closer to him as he stepped out of the large, stone middle school. His best friend followed close behind him, her long blonde hair blown in all different directions as soon as she stepped out of the sanctuary of the school.

"It's mom's day to pick us up, right?" posed Meredith as she fell into step with Derek. She linked their arms playfully as they walked towards the curb of the school where cars, were piled into messy lines, waited. Since meeting five years prior Meredith had become an unofficial Shepherd-sister, and Derek's sole confidant. Neither had many other friends so it tended to be just the two of them.

He nodded in response to her question, pulling her forwards with their linked arms to get through the maze of their classmates, searching for the right car. Meredith jerked him to the left, noticing the station wagon with a man with raven curls sitting in side. They fought their way through the mob of their classmates and reached the car.

"Hi, Dad," smiled Derek as he opened the door and scooted across the car to leave room for Meredith to follow him into the car.

"Hi, Dad," parroted Meredith. In the five years since she'd become friends with Derek, she'd grown close to his father, as if he were her own. Since hers had walked out when she was five, Christopher Shepherd stepped in as a replacement that was better than her father could have ever been. He and Carolyn treated her as one of their own, knowing her own mother was about as loving as the sharp side of a knife.

"Hey, guys," he said cheerfully. "Mom is working an extra shift at the hospital so, you're going to have to come hang out at the store for a while."

"Okay," shrugged Derek, turning his head sideways to looking at Meredith for approval. She nodded and smiled at her best friend.

"We'll just stop at the elementary school to pick your sister up then we'll get going."

"Sister? I thought I had two of those who go to elementary school," he kidded. Meredith rolled her eyes at him.

"We're going to get Amelia. Rachel went to a friend's house today. So it'll just be the four of us," he replied. "So, how was school?"

"Normal," they shrugged simultaneously.

"You've got to give me more than that," laughed Christopher, turning to look at the kids.

"I hate our math teacher," groaned Meredith.

"Same here," said Derek. "We're not learning anything!"

"What's her name again?" questioned Christopher

"Ms. Martin," they said simultaneously.

"Ah, yes. Your sisters used to complain about her constantly when they were in middle school."

"We spend all our time learning about architecture," said Meredith.

"Well, that requires some math," he posed, looking at the children through his rear-view mirror.

"But the other classes are learning a lot more," moaned Derek.

"At least it sounds like it'd be interesting."

"If I wanted to be an architect," shrugged Derek.

They pulled up to the elementary school as gaggles of small children flooded out of the double doors of the school. A little girl with long, straight brown hair bounced towards the car, opened the door and jumped into the station wagon. "Hi Daddy," she grinned, her bright blue eyes sparkling. Her hand reached towards the seatbelt and she buckled it with a click.

"Hello pumpkin. How was school?" She shrugged. "That seems to be all I'm getting out of anyone today."

"Hi, Mer," she said to the girl who was like one of her sisters, her best sister.

"Hey, Amy," smiled Meredith, giving the younger girl a one-armed hug. Letting go of Amy, Meredith tiredly rested her head on Derek's shoulder who in return rest his head on top of hers. The rest of the car ride was blanketed in silence as the exhaustion of a long day settled in on the children.

XXX

"What'd you get for number three?" questioned Meredith as she looked up from her science homework.

"B. Life," he replied. They sat at a desk in Christopher's back office, doing their homework. Amelia sat at an adjacent desk, drawing a picture for her father's office, having finished her work.

"Good, me too." They smiled at each other and continued on with their work.

Minutes later they heard loud noises coming from the front of the store. "What is that?" asked Amelia, nervously.

"Sounds like an angry customer," shrugged Derek. His father got the occasional nasty customer but he'd become an expert at dealing with them. They three went back to working for a moment before the noises got louder and suddenly a bang rang through their years.

Meredith's eyes popped open and she stared at Derek. "Was that a-" Derek nodded sharply, cutting her off before it could upset Amelia.

_Does it take your breath away?  
>And you feel yourself suffocating?<em>

XXX

**A/N: Not a very long chapter and, yes. Mean cliffhanger.**

** So? Thoughts? Opinions? You know how much I love them. Seriously guys, your reviews make me smile like I won the lottery.**


	4. Ruins

**A/N: Sorry about the wait. There's no one to blame but myself. I'll try to update really soon next time.**

XXX

"Amy," said Derek. "Stay here for a second, okay? I'm going to go see what's happening out there." She nodded at her brother. "Don't move." Derek walked out of the safety of the office to get to the front door. Suddenly a hand grasped his, making him gasp. Turning his head he saw Meredith standing beside him. She nodded for him to go on. With their hands grasped together like two pieces of wire, connected to keep energy flowing, they walked the last few steps to the door. It opened about three inches with a slight creek. Peeking in Derek saw his father behind the register, hands in the air as two men emptied out the cash register. Christopher caught his son's eyes, discreetly motioning for him to shut the door and go back inside. Derek looked worriedly at his father before shutting the door. He turned to Meredith, his face etched with fear.

"There are two guys with guns," he whispered in panic.

"Is Dad okay?"

"I-I think so." Derek squeezed Meredith's hand as they stood at the door, listening.

"What's happening?" whispered Amelia, sneaking up behind her brother. He jumped ten feet in the air in surprise and fear before glaring down at his sister. "I told you to stay in the office."

"I got scared all alone." Meredith frowned and wrapped a trembling arm around Amelia. They went back to listening closely, ears pressed firmly against the door.

"Give us your watch," said one man.

"It was a gift from my wife, she saved up for it," he replied. "Please."

"I don't care," said the same man, his voice rough and gravely.

"No," said Christopher stubbornly.

"Give it to them, Dad," Derek whispered to himself, clutching Meredith close. Little Amelia curled into Meredith's side, shaking wildly in fear.

"If you don't I'll shoot you." There was a silent pause; then one clear, loud bang; then more silence.

"Daddy!" cried Amelia. Meredith quickly put a hand over her mouth to silence her though his eyes were leaking like a fountain.

"Did you hear something?" asked the murderer.

"You shot him!" shouted another voice, ignoring the question. Both Meredith and Derek's stomachs lurched and bile rose up through their throats. They looked at each other as tears fell down both of their faces. They clutched each other in sorrow and fear. "I was in this for the money! I don't want to go down for no murdering! That's years behind bars!"

"That's why we aren't going to get caught," snapped the first voice, the man who'd murdered Christopher. "You grab the watch then meet me in back. I saw an office door. We'll get the security tapes, check for any more loot, and get the fuck out of there."

"They're coming back here," sobbed Meredith.

"We've got to hide," he sniffled. As quietly as possible, they pulled Amelia behind them and ran into a supply closet at the back of a small, dark hallway. Maneuvering around boxes and shelves they found a spot in the back that would hopefully mask them enough. They squeezed into the little corner, protected by shelves, holding each other closely. Amelia let out a sob of anguish. "Amelia, those bad men are coming back here. We need to be quiet okay?" said Derek shortly.

She nodded as silent tears poured from her eyes. As they heard the door to he hall that they were in squeak open, Derek clasped a hand over his sister's mouth as well as Meredith's. The girls sat huddled under Derek's arms, all three crying silently. Meredith reached her arm over Derek's shoulder, clasping her own hand over his mouth.

Another door opened, signaling they'd found Christopher's office. "Hey, John," the second man called to the murderer, not minding his volume. "There are kids bags in here." Derek's heart stopped in his chest. He and Meredith started sobbing silently as Amelia shook in fear and agony under her brother's arm.

"Ugh," groaned John. "Guy had kids. We need to find them."

"I'm not killing no kids, John."

"I'll do it, Gary, you useless bag of crap. Just find them."

Bangs and crashes were heard as the two men tore apart the storage area, looking for Meredith, Derek, and Amelia. They held on to each other with such force that their boney arms dug into each other's flesh painfully. Suddenly the door to the room they were hiding in swung open, letting a burst of light into the cramped space. The three stopped breathing but tears continued to fall down their faces. It seemed as if the world stopped spinning, just for a moment and time was frozen still, their fear iced over them like a glacier.

As he looked in the small closet, Gary thought he saw a flicker of black hair under a shelf but he ignored it and shook his head no as John asked if he'd found them.

"They probably ran out," said John. "Let's just get the security tapes and go. Kids can't doo much harm to us anyways." Gary nodded and they grabbed the tapes before running out the back door into an alley. Meredith and Derek held their place a few minutes to make sure the men left before climbing out of the closet, now openly sobbing.

Led by Derek, they burst into the main store area and rushed up to the lifeless body on the floor peeking out from behind the counter. "Dad," cried Derek, falling to his knees in front of his father, his role model, his hero. He pressed his ear to where he'd learned in school where the heart was. Ignoring the blood drenching the side of his face, he strived to hear the two beat rhythm of a beating heart. "No," he cried, not hearing the beat.

"Derek?" questioned Meredith between sobs.

"He's-he's… Dad's dead."

"No," she sobbed. Six years prior she'd lost her real father, now she lost the only real father she'd known. Like his other girls, Christopher would dry her tears or kiss her boo boos if she fell. When she slept over at Derek's on the weekends, Christopher would be the fun dad to make pancakes and play around with all his younger children while Carolyn slept in. Though she wasn't his biological daughter, he was her father and she was one of his girls.

"Daddy is dead?" posed Amelia softly. Derek choked back a large sob as he nodded. Amelia's tears increased flowing like a river down her face as she cried out.

Derek stared at his father's body, a burning hole forcing its way through his chest. Christopher was his hero, the only man in his family against the gaggle of women. More than anyone, he and his father had been close, fishing and playing catch while the girls cooked or played inside. The hole in his chest widened and deepened until it was hard to breathe. "I have to call mom and 9-1-1," said Derek, getting off the floor; his father would have wanted him to be brave. His chicken-like legs stumbled drunkenly to the phone before quickly dialing his mother's work number.

"Hello? Nurses station," a nurse answered.

"This is Derek Shepherd. I need my mother, Carolyn Shepherd. Please tell her it's a huge emergency," he sobbed heavily.

"Right away, sweetie," replied the nurse.

Moments later, Carolyn came to the phone. "Derek? What's wrong?"

"There were…he had a gun," blubbered Derek nearly incoherently.

"What?" she responded, her heart dropping into her stomach.

"A guy shot Dad. He…his heart isn't beating."

"Did you call 9-1-1?" questioned Carolyn, tears starting to run down her own face.

"I…can't…I," he cried, beginning to hyperventilate.

"Okay, Derek, just take care of Meredith and Amelia. Help is on the way."

Derek hung up and turned back to his sobbing sister and best friend. They huddled in a mass of limbs, heads and torsos on the floor, sobbing, all trying to look away from their father's lifeless form. About eight minutes later, they heard the familiar high-pitched siren of emergency vehicles. People rushed around them as they sat huddled in the middle of the store floor. Minutes later Carolyn came rushing in like a mother bear, tearing through the woods to find her babies. Though, at the sight of the black body bag she started sobbing harder than she ever had, crying out, "Christopher." Seconds later, her stomach lurched and she threw up. A paramedic rushed to help her but she pushed him away, stumbling over to the three children huddled together on the ground. Falling next to them, she wrapped all three in her arms and they curled into her, the four of them sobbing madly.

_Does it take your breath away  
><em>_And you feel yourself suffocating?  
><em>_Does the pain weigh out the pride?  
><em>_And you look for a place to hide?  
><em>_Did someone break your heart inside?  
><em>_You're in ruins._

XXX

**A/N: So? Thoughts? I realize I'm mean but it had to happen. Everything is going to be better soon.**


	5. Funeral

**A/N: I don't even have an excuse for not updating... I've been busy but I've had this written for a while. I promise another update this week.**

**PS: My tumblr is brainy-specss if... yah know, you want to come talk or anything.**

XXX

The Shepherd house was quiet. Wind howled outside, blowing leaves around, sometimes colliding softly with the house and creating a crinkling sound. The sky was gray and cloudless; it left the loom of sorrow. Inside, death fell heavily on every shoulder. With six children the house usually sounded of toys, televisions, and loud voices. Now the only sound that could be heard was the wind from outside and the ticking of the loud grandfather clock in the living room.

Waiting for guest for the wake, each Shepherd was sitting silently. Nancy, the oldest girl sat with her youngest sister who couldn't yet understand why her father wasn't there. In the younger's bed they lay, Rachel's five-year-old body curled into her big sister. Amelia had been locked in her room, staring at the wall since they'd gotten home from the hospital that fateful day, only leaving to eat, go to the bathroom, and go to the funeral. She refused to speak to anyone, ignoring her older sister's pleads and her brother's requests.

Kathleen sat on her mother's bed as the older woman slept, just breathing in the smell of her father. Their mother's sister, Linda, was staying with them to take care of the children while Carolyn slept and cried. She cooked, cleaned, and she'd helped plan Christopher's funeral. With a small figure and blonde hair she was barely recognizable as Carolyn's sister. Alone she sat in the kitchen, head in her thin hands as she sat at the granite-topped island. Her heart broke for her younger sister's plight and she wished there was more she could do.

Upstairs, Derek lay in his room in bed with his best friend. They faced each other, holding hands between their small bodies. Neither cried, neither made a sound as they stared into each other's eyes, the presence of the other enough to keep the tears away. The day before they'd cried for hours on end and used up their tears. Now the feeling on numbness was settling in.

Ellis had gone on a consult in England for the week and left Meredith with the Shepherds. Though it was sad and depressing in the Shepherd house, she joined in, just as sad. Her mother would have passed of Christopher's death with a shrug, something Meredith couldn't have handled. Christopher had been just as much her father as the rest of the Shepherds and no one would say otherwise.

"Remember," Meredith sniffled, "that time Dad was making pancakes and the electric mixer made batter splatter everywhere. So we just started having a batter fight?"

Derek smiled briefly. "Mom was so mad."

They both let out pathetic excuses for laughs. "I miss him," whispered Meredith, her head inching closer to Derek's.

"Me too," he replied in a sad tone.

"Hug," she requested. They sat up on Derek's bed and wrapped their arms around each other, squeezing tightly. Slowly, still holding each other, they fell back against the headboard, staying as close as possible. Meredith slid down to rest her head on Derek's chest and she wrapped her arms around his thin torso. Derek's pale, slender arms found their way around Meredith's shoulders, squeezing her tightly to his chest. His head with a mop of raven curls leaned in, pressing against her top of hers. He buried his nose in her blonde hair, sniffing the familiar, comforting smell of lavender.

"Mer?" he said softly.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

She turned her head up to look at him. "I love you too," she replied. "Do you think we'll be best friends forever?"

"Of course," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "You're family. Dad always knew that. So does mom." The sincerity of his words made a smile play at her lips and she hugged him tighter. Kathleen, Derek's eleven-year-old sister, opened the door of his room to see her brother and "adopted"-sister hugging. Quickly she jumped into bed with them, adding her own arms to the tangle of limbs.

"Mom fell asleep," said Kathleen softly. "But she needs to eat something."

"We'll all help you get her to," Derek replied. Kathleen got under the indigo comforter of Derek's bed then curled up behind her brother, trying to hold both him and Meredith. They lay quietly, using the others for comfort. A while later Nancy, who was holding a sleepy Rachel, got into the bed. The only one missing was Amelia who still refused to come out of her room.

One by one, tears began dripping from their eyes until they were all sobbing together. The tears they thought they'd gotten through returned, waterfalls falling from their eyes. They clutched each other closer as the four girls and Derek wept for the loss of their father. Slowly they drifted off to sleep, all crowded in Derek's bed, leaning on each other like pillows.

People started coming in for the wake, ushered in by their Aunt Linda. Instead of going down, they continued to cuddle in Derek's small bed, not ready to face the rest of the world yet. Linda walked up the stairs to find the kids, peeking in Derek's room first. There she saw all her nieces and nephew, save for Amelia. They all looked tired, even in sleep. Their eyelids were red and black bags hung under their eyes. Linda couldn't bring herself to wake them up so she went back down stairs.

_We are family  
><em>_I've got all my sisters with me_

XXX

**A/N: IMPORTANT- I am changing my pen name to _H. Elizabeth Gitler_. I'm still the same person... just under a new name.**


	6. Dance

**3 YEARS LATER- October 1, 1993**

"So, the 9th grade winter dance is coming up. Were you thinking of going?" questioned Derek casually from his position at the edge of the jungle gym, watching as Meredith climbed across the monkey bars. She moved gracefully from bar to bar, her arm muscles flexing as she went. Golden sunlight cast her shadow on the ground and made her hair shine like glass.

"Probably not." She turned around to face him, still hanging on the bars. "Those things are pretty stupid unless you're going out with someone."

"Well…I was… I was thinking…maybe…" he stuttered nervously, "youmightwanttogowithme."

"What?" Meredith shot him a quizzical look, having not understood his jumbled mess of a proposition.

"I…will you go with me to the dance?" asked Derek, his eyes looking at his twisting hands nervously.

"As friends?" Meredith's long, slim legs wrapped around one of the iron bars. Her arms curled around one bar and her knees locked onto the next one so her butt fell between them. She stared down at her best friend expectantly.

"Or…" he trailed off.

"Or what?"

"Maybe we could go as… more than friends." Derek's face flushed in a deep shade of red, his eyes diverting to anywhere but Meredith's face.

"What?" she questioned, not sure she was hearing him right.

His heart beat strongly in his ears. He took a deep breath in to calm his nerves enough to answer. "Like a…date."

"You mean be your girlfriend," she stated.

"Yeah, I guess. You don't have to, if you don't want. I know the success rate of relationships lasting at fourteen and it might ruin our friendship. And it might be weird because we're best friends and you're kinda like my sister but recently I realized I like you a lot, in that way and-

"Okay," she said, interrupting his nervous ramble.

Derek's eyes bugged in surprise like a cartoon character's. "What?"

"Okay, I'll be your girlfriend and your date to the dance," she said, a smile playing at her lips as she looked down at him.

"Really?" he grinned.

"Yeah."

"So we're-

"Yup," she nodded, cutting him off."

"And you're my-"

"Yep."

Derek's heart nearly stopped as Meredith's small frame slid through the metal rods so she was upside down, hanging by her knees. When she smiled at him, his heart began beating at a normal pace again, _ba BUM ba BUM ba BUM_… He smiled at her upside down face.

Her grin shone bright, reaching all the way to her eyes, making them sparkle brighter than all the stars in Texas. Slowly, he leaned in to press his lips against hers gently, his hands cupping her face. She reciprocated, her lips gently mating with his. Suddenly her knees fell and she began falling head first towards the ground. In some act of fate, Derek caught her, bridal style. Looking down at her face, he smiled seeing he wasn't hurt.

"My hero!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck. He laughed and put her feet down, turning her so her front was pressed against his.

"Well, I'm glad to know that kissing me gets that kind of reaction," grinned Derek.

She stuck her tongue out at him, swatting his chest with her hand lightly. He smiled elatedly. At the moment, he couldn't think of anything better than having his best friend, now girlfriend, in his arms. They might of only been fourteen, still in Junior High but their relationship was much more meaningful than the shallow relationships their classmates started.

Their eyes caught and danced together in the sunlight and brightness of their smiles. Simultaneously their heads turned to opposite sides and they came in for their lips to meet again. Meredith's hold on Derek's neck tightened as his did on her waist.

"I don't know how to do this," he breathed as their lips broke contact. Their foreheads rested against each other's as they swayed back and forth.

"Do what?"

"The whole 'going out' thing," he replied.

"I don't know either," she shrugged and pecked his lips. "It's not like we need to get to know each other or anything. I'm pretty sure you know me better than I do." He grinned. "And I defiantly know you better than you know yourself. I assume that being boyfriend and girlfriend is like being best friends who kiss, hold hands, and go to dances together."

"Sounds good to me because I've tried kissing you now and…" he trailed off with a grin.

"Yeah?"

"I never want to stop."

"That's corny," she giggled, resting her head on his shoulder.

Hearing a clap of thunder, Meredith jumped out of her skin. Derek laughed and held her tightly. "We should go home," he said as raindrops began to splatter against the ground. Meredith nodded in agreement and they ran, hands locked together, towards home.

* * *

><p>"What's different?" questioned Carolyn as the two soaked teens walked into the kitchen. They stood side-by-side, unintentionally closer than they usually did, their pinkies stayed interlocked as the stood shivering.<p>

"You two kissed," accused Carolyn.

Meredith and Derek looked at her, dumbfounded. "How'd you know?" questioned Derek.

"A mother always knows," she scoffed. "And with you two I figured it'd happen eventually. It's all in the body language." They glanced shyly at each other, moving a step closer together. Derek wrapped an arm around Meredith, trying to transfer body heat to her as he noticed her shiver. She smiled gratefully at him and snuggled into his embrace. Carolyn beamed at them, knowing they were perfect for each other.

"You must be cold. Go dry off. And, Derek, give Meredith some sweatpants and a t-shirt." Derek nodded and began to pull Meredith out of the kitchen. "One more thing!" noted Carolyn. They turned back to her, both shivering uncontrollably. "Now that you two are together, even though I trust you both and you're both only 14, I don't want you at Dr. Grey's house alone. And when you're in a bedroom here, door open at least 3 inches at all times. Understand?" They both nodded. "Good. Now, run upstairs and dry off with a towel. I'll bring your hot chocolates up in a minute and you can tell me how it happened."

Hand in hand they climbed the stairs to Derek's bedroom. He grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt for Meredith and similar for himself. Meredith smiled and walked to her room to change. Once changed she walked back in and knocked on Derek's door.

"Come in!" he called. Meredith found him lounging on his bed, back resting against the pillows. Grinning she climbed in next to him, snuggling to his chest.

"This is a little weird," she noted, looking into his eyes.

"What?" he asked nervously, fearing that she was talking about them.

"This is something I'd run and tell my best friend but I can't."

Derek grinned at her and squeezed her tightly into his chest. "Go," he said. "Talk. I'll just be the best friend for a second."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Okay. So, I had my first kiss today," she gushed teasingly. She moved away from Derek, sitting across from him like she would before that afternoon. Her legs tucked under each other like a pretzel.

"Oh yeah? Who with?"

"This kid, Derek."

"Sounds like a nice guy," Derek jested.

"Yeah. But really cocky," laughed Meredith.

Derek moved one of his legs to kick her playfully. "Was it good?"

"Hmm," she hummed affirmatively "I really like him."

"Glad you feel that way," he said. "Can I go back to being boyfriend Derek?"

"Sure but, why?"

"So I can do this." Derek pulled her back into his arms and pressed a light kiss to her temple.

"Oh," she giggled softly, relaxing into his arms. They sat quietly for a few minutes until Carolyn walked up with their hot chocolates and they retold their afternoon to her.

_I just wanna be, your teddy bear  
><em>_Put a chain around my neck and lead me anywhere  
><em>_Oh let me be (oh let him be) Your teddy bear_


	7. Dumpster

**7 MONTHS LATER- May 19, 1994**

Warm sun left Meredith and Derek sitting out in the out door section of the school's cafeteria enjoying lunch on a bright May afternoon. Neither having many friends led them to sit together daily, sometimes chatting, sometimes getting a head start on homework. Meredith sat with her back to the sun, eating her lunch with Derek sitting in the seat next to her. "I'm going to go get more napkins and I'll be right back," he said softly. Standing up, he leaned down to kiss her head earning a bright smile.

Meredith continued eating with a small smile on her face. She was invisible to the school, just another girl. No one really knew the little blonde haired girl in all honors classes. Because of their honors track, Meredith had nearly every class with Derek. He didn't make her feel invisible; he made her feel like she was the only person in the room. In class, they'd sit together, holding hands under the table or if they were in desks, they'd pass little notes back and forth. Though he may not have looked like a cliché one, he was and always would be her knight in shining armor.

Twenty minutes passed and Meredith looked around nervously. She figured Derek had stopped to talk to a teacher or something but twenty minutes was a long conversation. Gathering her trash she stood and dumped it in the trashcan, putting the tray down on top with a clatter. Holding insecurely to her bag she set off, circling the area once with no luck. A shrill bell rang out and the outdoor lunch space cleared quickly and she was left alone. "Derek?" she called out, her heart beating nervously. In the months they'd been in high school, Derek had been thrown into lockers and bushes so many times; she knew she had to look well.

Minutes later she heard a faint noise. Moving towards where she heard it. The noise was rising to a crescendo, louder and louder until she could hear a voice saying, "Help!" as the person rapped their hand against something. Looking around she noticed a dumpster with a large rock on top of it.

"Derek?" she called.

"Mer!" he sobbed. Like a mother trying to get her child, adrenaline pumped through Meredith's veins, empowering her to push the boulder-like rock off the plastic lid. Once she did that she pushed the lid open. Derek popped up like a whack-a-mole mole. "Are you okay?" crooned Meredith, giving him her hand to help him get out.

"I'm fine," he grumbled, climbing over the plastic side of the dumpster. "Embarrassed, humiliated, but fine."

"Der, it's just me." Meredith reached towards his face, wiping a bit of smudge off with her thumb. He quickly jerked away and started to walk forwards.

"Yeah, but my girlfriend is the last person I want finding me in a dumpster," he muttered unhappily, walking with his shoulders slumped in defeat as she followed and fell into step.

"Well too bad. And you have a girlfriend who doesn't care about you smelling like trash," she shrugged. "I still love you. I just got so worried when you didn't come back."

"The jocks ambushed me," said Derek miserably, flinging a wrapper off his thigh.

"I wish high school was easier for you," she said, brushing their hands together. "If people got to know you, they'd see the wonderful guy I do. Even if you do look like a total dweeb." She grinned.

"Hey!" he protested weakly with a small smile.

"Don't worry," she placated. "You're _my _dweeb. And I love you for it. It's much better than being an asshole jock that feels the need to take his insecurities out on others."

"Hm," he sounded

"And remember, one day, after they've peaked in high school, they'll be the ones pumping our gas." Despite his horrible smell, she grabbed his cheek with one hand and pulled him in for a fleeting kiss. When he made no response, they just continued their walk back to the building in silence.

She felt Derek building a wall between them from his embarrassment. For the life of her, she couldn't think of how else to assure him that it'd all be okay. Instead, she grabbed his hand and they walked through the winding corridors towards the principal's office.

As they walked into the office, the principal's secretary, Mrs. Boatwright scrunched up her nose at the smell of Derek. "I found him in the dumpster," said Meredith. "Some of the idiotic jocks threw him in."

"I'll see if Principal Dexter is available to speak to you," said Mrs. Boatwright. "But first, go back to class little miss…"

"Grey," she filled in. The secretary wrote out a pass and handed it to Meredith.

"And, Mister…"

"Shepherd," he said softly.

Go to the locker rooms take a shower and change into your gym clothes." Suddenly Derek wanted to hug his mother and never let for making him have three sets just in case. "When you come back. I think the principal will want to have a word."

They both nodded and walked out of the room. "You gonna be okay?" questioned Meredith, her voice filled with worry.

"I'm fine, Meredith," he said in an irritated monotone.

"Okay," she replied skeptically, leaning in to kiss his lips lightly. "See you later."

With that, Derek turned away from her and walked towards the gym. Meredith frowned. He wasn't letting her in and it concerned her. She was the one he always turned to. Deciding to figure him out after school, she ran to her locker before walking to class.

_Now let me hold your hand  
><em>_I wanna hold your hand_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I know people were expecting the dance but this is more of snapshots of their childhood. The story isn't really about their teen years. It all just leads up to the main event. It actually never occurred to me to write the dance 'cause apparently I'm not thinking.**

**Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter. Poor nerd!Derek...**

**Leave me some love?**


	8. Pink

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. My computer broke and it was in repair. **

**Oh and sadly, I'm an incredibly busy high school junior with no time to breathe and sleep let alone anything else.**

XXX

**5 MONTHS LATER- October 21, 1994**

Lifeless green eyes stared back at her as she watched her reflection. The fight she'd had with her mother the afternoon before was one of the worst. Meredith could barely remember what had been said but she knew it ended with her in tears on her bed. Then she remembered walking to the pharmacy and back but it the whole night was a bit of a blur. She'd thought about calling Derek but then decided against it. She was a Grey. She wasn't supposed to need someone to lean on. Especially a man. At least that's what her mother had said sometime during their fight.

Raking a hand through the long locks, Meredith smiled at her handiwork. Her long, previously blonde hair was a bright shade of bubblegum pink, an obvious act of rebellion. It hung flat over her shoulders, traveling down to her chest. As she stared at her reflection, Meredith decided her hair handing loose would bother her during school so she quickly swept it into a messy ponytail. Checking the clock on the wall she rushed to pull her clothes on. She grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans and a blue t-shirt out of her drawer and quickly dawned them. Both articles hugged her lean body tightly but were far from being considered slutty. After pulling on a pair of black ballet books she grabbed her bag and rushed down the stairs.

Noticing her mother wasn't downstairs and waiting, she called up to her. "Mom! I'm going to be late!" She received no reply so she called again.

"I'm coming Meredith! Have some patience!" snapped Ellis as she walked down the stairs.

"I'm late mother. You said you'd take me today! I have perfect attendance!"

"Why does it matter? You're not doing anything with your life anyways," she said. Ellis Grey looked like an older, hardened version of her daughter. Slight crinkles in her skin bunched up on the sides of her eyes and lips. Her hair was shoulder length, her bangs, perfectly cut. As Ellis' eyes strayed to her daughter's hair, a look of disgust swept across her aging face. "What in the world did you do to your hair?"

"It's pink. Whatever. Lets just go."

"You never cease to disappoint me Meredith," sighed Ellis as they got in the car.

"I'm very sorry mother," Meredith retorted sarcastically.

"I won't be home tonight," she said. "I left money on the counter. Feed yourself." They were silent until she pulled up to the school. "Meredith, I've taught you to be extraordinary, so far you've proven to be just ordinary. You better shape up or that is going to be your future," Ellis scolded pointing at a janitor picking up trash outside the school.

"Goodbye mother," she groaned getting out of the car quickly and slamming the door behind her. She ran into the school, barely making it to her first class on time.

XXX

"You have pink hair," Derek whispered at the end of class. The whole period he'd just watched his girlfriend's scowl, only deciding to ask her about it now.

"Way to notice, captain obvious," she snapped.

Derek was taken back. Meredith never spoke to him like that. "Mer are you okay?" he asked softly, resting his hand on her arm. Immediately she retracted her arm looking at him with venom in her eyes. The bell rung out in the classroom.

"Fine. I'll see you later," she replied in a clipped tone before grabbing her bag and dashing out.

XXX

Meredith managed to avoid Derek all day, not in the mood to talk to him. After school she stopped outside the building, realizing she had no way to get home.

"You have pink hair," said a voice, walking up behind her.

Glancing over her shoulder she saw a familiar mop of curls walk up behind her. "You said that before."

"I know it's just…you've got pink hair," he repeated, awestruck.

She was quiet for a moment, all of her personal angst clearing away. "Is…is it terrible?" she asked quietly. "I had a fight with my mom and now…well," she tugged at her hair. "It's the kind that'll wash out in a week or so but still…pink. It's probably-

Before she could continue her ramble, Derek cut her off by pressing his lips to hers. He ignored the fact that she'd avoided him, deciding it was less important to dwell on that than to figure out what was bothering her. "It's…" he fumbled for the right word, "cute. I think you look amazing no matter what."

Meredith blushed as Derek led pulled her forwards to his mother's car as it pulled up to the curb. It was her afternoon off so Kathleen was let off driving duty. Seeing Meredith's hair in the rear view mirror as they climbed in, Carolyn's eyes widened in surprise. "Meredith Grey, what did you do?"

"I died my hair pink," she said her head bowed.

"I can see that? What were you thinking? You looked perfect as you were!" exclaimed the older woman.

"I wanted to make my mother angry," she shrugged.

"Has she seen it yet?" Meredith nodded. "Was she angry?"

"Fuming," she replied, trying to conceal a smile.

Carolyn couldn't help but smile a little. She hated the woman. "Is it permanent?" she asked.

"It washes out after a while," the younger girl assured her.

"Good."

The rest of the car ride was quiet until they stopped at the elementary school and Rachel climbed in, ranting to her mother about a girl named Sari. Then Amelia got in, complaining about a math test. Neither noticed Meredith's hair as she and Derek had slid into the back of the van.

The younger girls scrambled out of the car and Meredith and Derek climbed out of the back. "Your hair is pink!" Rachel exclaimed.

"Yeah."

"You look like a crazy person," she said.

"Rachel!" scolded Carolyn.

"Sorry, Mer," she sighed before walking towards the house.

"I like it," shrugged Amelia.

"Thanks Amy," smiled Meredith. Amelia turned on her heel and walked away. The last three walked into the house and Derek made a move to drag Meredith upstairs.

"Well, you two have fun," said Carolyn. "I have to work the night shift tonight at the hospital. I'll make dinner. Derek, will you heat it up for you and your sisters?"

"Sure, mom," he agreed. With that, Derek dragged his girlfriend up the stairs and into his room. "Door open, Derek!" called his mother.

"Yeah, ma." Leaving the door an inch open he pulled Meredith towards his bed.

As he sat, he tugged her hand, making her fall on top of him. She dipped in and pressed her lips firmly against his. "Hi," she whispered against his lips.

"Hi," he answered, kissing her again.

"So you don't hate the hair?" she asked timidly.

"You're still Meredith and I couldn't hate any part of you," he grinned.

"Corny," she muttered kissing him again.

He shrugged. "Maybe. I don't care. It's true."

"Hmm," she hummed, falling off him and cuddling into his side.

"You okay?" he asked softly. His fingertips gently trailed up and down her back as they lay together.

Her fingers danced on his bony chest. "I'm great." Suddenly everything her mother had said about her attachment to Derek didn't matter. If she had him, she'd be fine.


	9. Drown

**A/N: Sorry about the wait! I was in a show and had SAT prep so it took over my life. I'll try to get the next one up faster.**

XXX

**8 MONTHS LATER- July 8, 1995**

"Everyone needs to learn how to swim," insisted Derek.

"I don't," huffed Meredith, crossing her arms over her bikini-clad chest.

"You do," he argued.

"But I really don't."

"Yes, you do." Derek took a few steps in towards her, putting his hands on her hips. "What if, when we're older, our kid falls into a pool and I'm not there?"

Meredith's heart fluttered at the prospect of them having kids. Without Derek she figured she would never have thought about kids or even marriage but with him, she couldn't help thinking about saying 'I do' and kissing him in front of their family. She could picture a little boy with curly brown hair and Derek's dazzling smile and eyes and her nose. "Easy," she replied. "We won't have a pool. And we won't go to a pool elsewhere without you."

"Meredith," he groaned in frustration.

"Derek. I don't want to do this!" she moaned.

"Are you scared?" he asked knowingly, running his hands up and down her biceps.

"No." Her eyes cast to the ground.

"Does that no mean yes?" questioned Derek teasingly, leaning forwards to kiss her cheek. She didn't answer. "Mer," he sighed and pulled her into his arms. "I'll be right beside you at all times. You don't even have to put your head in today. We could just go for a quick dip to see the water isn't scary. I'll hold you the whole time."

"Promise?"

He smiled his dreamy smile. "Of course."

"Fine."

"Go stand on the dock, I'll just take off my clothes and meet you there."

She nodded. Standing on a dock, she could do that alone. Padding out to the end of the dock she took deep breaths. _In and out. In and out._ Her eyes cast down to the dark water below her. Somehow the stillness of standing over the lake calmed her. Suddenly the water didn't seem so frightening. The roar of a boat engine neared and the boat made a sharp turn near the dock, sending waves under the floating piece of wood. It tipped; she lost her footing, and was thrown into the murky lake.

Her arms flailed, trying to keep herself above the water but slowly she started to sink.

Hearing the splash, Derek looked over to the dock to see his girlfriend missing. "Meredith!" he cried, running out onto the dock. He kept running until the end where he dove head first into the water. Surfacing, he took a deep breath and dove deep into the water. About 5 feet below the surface he saw a floating body, barely moving. He kicked furiously, getting to her in a matter of seconds. One arm wrapped around her chest, underneath her arms as he pulled her to the murky surface of the water. She coughed and sputtered as her nose and mouth made it above the water. Using a free arm he dragged them through the water and used all his strength to push Meredith up on to the dock before climbing out himself. He wrapped Meredith in his arms. Too tired to protest she fell into his chest sobbing.

"Shh," shushed Derek, trying to calm her as the coughs turned into sobs.

"You promised," she gasped. "You promised you'd be with me."

Derek's heart broke at the broken promise. He'd sent her off alone and she'd almost drowned. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he said, hoisting her up onto the wooden dock.

"You promised," she sobbed, glaring at him with red eyes as she curled up into a ball on the dock. Derek pulled himself out of the water beside her and made a move to enclose her in his arms.

"Mer, I'm so so sorry," he apologized as she pulled away.

"I want to go home."

"Okay," he sighed. "Let's go."

In silence they grabbed their clothes, pulled them on, and walked towards the car. Meredith climbed in the passenger seat and pulled her knees up to her chest. Derek's eyes stayed trained on her guiltily as he put the car in drive. He only looked away so not to crash the car.

Five minutes later he pulled up to her house and she got out without a word, slamming the door on his goodbye. Sighing, he made a U-turn and pulled into his own driveway.

Derek stormed into his own house and slammed the door.

"Derek Shepherd!" his mother admonished.

"Sorry mom," he groaned, walking into the kitchen. His tired, upset body collapsed into an island chair.

"You're all wet," she noted. "Go upstairs and then come back down and tell me why we're slamming doors."

He nodded and trekked towards the stairs. Upstairs he jumped in a hot shower, trying to wash away the pain of the day. He hadn't meant to get Meredith hurt. Now she might never trust him to do something like that with her again. After fifteen minutes, the hot shower made him feel no better so he climbed out and got dressed in sweats and a tank top.

Padding downstairs heard his mother's voice in the kitchen, talking to another female. Immediately he recognized the voice as that of his girlfriend. Derek took a deep breath and stepped into the room. Meredith's eyes found him instantly locking on to his in a passionate glare.

"I'm sorry for over reacting," she said. "It wasn't your fault."

Wordlessly, Derek opened his arms to her. She quickly stepped into them, throwing her arms around his neck as his wrapped around her waist. "I love you," he said into the side of her head.

"Love you too," she whispered, hugging him tighter.

"Why don't you two go upstairs and hang out for a bit?" suggested Carolyn. The two pushed apart, nodded, and turned away to go upstairs. "Door open!" she yelled after them.

After entering the room Derek walked back towards the bed, pulling Meredith with him. They fell backwards and curled together on the small bed. Meredith's face nuzzled into the crook of Derek's neck as his arms tightened around her. "I'm sorry," he whispered, kissing the top of her wet head. "You never have to go near a body of water ever again."

"It wasn't your fault, Derek, I'm sorry I blamed you."

"It's okay. You were scared."

"I'm sorry," she repeated, kissing his neck softly. They lay together for a while just cuddling and quietly whispering words of love and just sharing one space.

XXX

**A/N: Hope you liked it! The ending... sucked. But oh well!**


	10. Signs

**A/N: Sorry for the wait... high school Junior... not fun. BUT I'M DONE COMPLETELY IN 3 DAYS. This summer I'm gonna try to really step up the updating since next year... who knows. So let's go!**

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><p><strong>5 MONTHS LATER- January 15, 1996<strong>

Derek sat on his bed, looking outside at the bright moon lighting up the inky sky. His eyes strayed to Dr. Grey's house, specifically Meredith's window. She had the tendency to forget that he could see her clearly in her room. He watched as she danced around the room in a black tank top and red, cotton underwear. Derek's blue eyes stayed transfixed on his girlfriend's beautiful body as she danced crazily. He smirked at her crazy moves as she pranced around. He felt truly lucky that such a pretty, amazing, wonderful, smart, kind, girl was with him, the bullied, lanky, nerdy, first chair sax player. Almost 16, her hips had a slight curve and her breasts were filling out. He longed to caress her milky flesh or simply to hold her in his arms.

She turned towards the window and stopped, noticing Derek's eyes on her. She disappeared for a moment before coming back and holding up a sign with thick black lettering, which read, PERV. He smirked and blew her a kiss.

To be cute he grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a message of his own before holding it up to the window, YOU'RE HOT.

She once again held up her PERV sign. Derek smirked again and drew a big heart on another sheet of paper, holding it up for her to see.

Meredith rolled her eyes and pulled the two halves of her curtains together. Moments later, Derek's landline rang and he scrambled to grab it. "Hello?" he answered.

"You're a creeper," said a female voice.

"You're hot," he said nonchalantly.

"Well thank you," she said.

"Why don't you come over and I'll show you how hot you are?" he asked. "Mom's working."

"Did you finish your homework?" she asked.

"Yup, you?"

"Of course. I finished during class," she answered. "I'll be over in two minutes."

After she hung up, Derek scrambled around his room getting his papers off his bed and piling them neatly on his desk. As he put the last paper down his door burst open and there stood Meredith, dressed in heavy sweatpants and a thick sweater. Without a word she shut the door, stalked forwards, wrapped her arms around his neck and pushed her lips on to his. They stumbled back to Derek's bed, falling softly on to the mattress and began to kiss languidly. Derek's hands strayed under Meredith's shirt, sliding up her back and up to the clasp of her bra. With a practiced hand he unhooked it and the two sides slid forwards. Meredith smiled against his mouth, moving her hands into his unruly curls.

Suddenly a banging sounded in the room. "Dinner!" shouted Amelia. "Meredith stop making out with my brother!"

"Why can't they all just go away," Derek groaned, burying his face in Meredith's neck.

"Because I live here!" Amelia yelled, pounding on the door again. "I'm going downstairs to get food. You better be down in ten seconds!" Laughing, Meredith pushed herself off Derek, stood, and reached behind herself to re-clasp her bra.

"No," he whined, sitting up to wrap himself around her waist.

She reached down and patted his cheek. "Come on, whiney, dinner time."

Heaving a dramatic sigh, he let go of her and stood up. Together they walked down stairs and into the kitchen. A pizza box was laid out on the table and the Shepherd sisters (excluding Nancy who was at college) were sitting at the kitchen table, munching on plain pizza. With so many kids to feed, they never got toppings because no one could decide on one.

Meredith and Derek took seats with the girls and grabbed pizza. "How was your game today, Rach?" asked Derek.

"Good," she said, smiling around a mouthful of pizza. Rachel was turning into a star soccer player. She had bouncing blonde curls, sparkling green eyes, and was a ray of sunshine.

"And how was your day?" he asked the sullen Amelia.

"Whatever," she shrugged. The older girl was quite the opposite of her little sister. Her almost black hair hung straight in her face and she dressed in a lot of black. She could be fun and smiley but rarely with anyone outside of her family.

"Great answer," said Derek, rolling his eyes.

"You're such a dork," Kathleen complained, dabbing grease off her lips with a napkin. After checking the greaselessness of her fingers, she ran a hand through her soft blonde curls, a habit she and her brother shared. "I don't know how Meredith stands you."

Meredith laughed.

"Why are you laughing at that?" he asked. "You're on my side."

"But she's right, I don't know how I stand you," she joked. Even Amelia cracked a smile.

Derek started to pout, leaning in to take a bite of his pizza. "You're all so mean to me."

"It's only because you're a dork," sniggered Amelia.

It was a daily activity for his sisters to gang up on him. He was used to it and didn't care.

Kathleen made a grab for the last garlic knot but had her hand slapped away by her younger brother. "I want it," he insisted.

"Ladies first, dork," she said, grabbing for the garlic knot. Immediately Derek lunged at her and tried to grab it back. His lacrosse-playing sister was too fast and licked it.

"Immature," he complained.

"Geek."

"Settle down, kids," teased Meredith.

Before another word could be said a loud car horn sounded out side and Kathleen immediately jumped up. "That's Tony!" she squealed, wiping her face with a napkin and standing up. "Watch the girls, Derek."

"Why do you get to go out?"

"Because I have a life," she shrugged. "And mom lets you have your girlfriend in your room." Kissing her sisters on the head and nudging her brother, Kathleen ran out the kitchen door.

Groaning, Derek turned to face his younger sisters. "Did you two finish your homework?" he asked.

"Yes," they said simultaneously.

"Good. Go take baths and entertain yourselves. Meredith and I will be in my room if you need us."

"Meredith and Derek sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g-" Rachel sang.

"Shut up," said Derek, reaching for the pizza box. He threw the box out, washed his hands and turned back to his girlfriend. "Let's go upstairs." Grabbing her hand he dragged her away from the kitchen. "I hate having sisters," he complained as they climbed the stairs.

"No you don't. You love them."

"They're insane."

"Well I'll love them for you then," she said.

"They like you better anyways."

"Works out then."

"But then who will love me?" he asked, breaking out the puppy dog eyes as they walked into his room.

"Me, of course," she laughed, kissing his lips lightly.

"Mer, I think you've finally reached my level of corniness," he teased.

She pouted. "Shut up."

Their lips touched together again and they fell back on the bed, making out heavily until they heard Carolyn's station wagon pull into the driveway. At the sound of the engine dying they broke apart, cracked open the door and pulled a deck of cards off Derek's nightstand. When Carolyn came upstairs she found them ensconced in a game of Gin Rummy. Walking past she smiled a knowing smile, completely aware of what they'd really been doing. Though she should, she couldn't bring herself to be mad or really care because she trusted them to be responsible.


	11. Apply

**A/N: Thank you to all my lovely reviewers. Each and every review makes my day.**

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><p><strong>9 MONTHS LATER- October 21, 1996<strong>

"So we had _that _talk in homeroom today," said Meredith as she leaned against the wall next to Derek's locker.

"So did we," he said, shoving a few books in the overcrowded locker.

"So…where do you want to apply to school?" she asked carefully.

"I think I want to stay in the north east," he said. "What about you?"

"I'd like to be near home too. But not too close," she shrugged.

"Well, I'm happy as long as I have you," he said, earning a large smile from Meredith.

"We're applying together, then?"

"Of course, silly. I can't go four years without being within spitting distance from you." Derek leaned in and kissed her cheek lightly.

She smiled. "Just…good to know."

"Let's get to class."

* * *

><p>Derek reached over his stack of homework to grab the ringing phone. "Shepherd residence, Derek speaking," he answered politely.<p>

"Derek," a low sultry voice answered.

"Mer?"

"Hi," she giggled.

"Hi," he said back, a question in his word. She started giggling louder and he heard a thump. "Meredith?" he questioned in panic.

Her voice reappeared. "I dropped the phone," she laughed.

"Mer, are you drunk?"

"Maaaaaayybe," she said, stretching the word out before erupting into another fit of giggles.

"Give me a minute. I'll be right over.

"Yay DerBear!"

Derek groaned and hung up the phone. "Ma!" he called as he trotted down the stairs.

"Yes, dear?" she called back.

"Meredith just called me really upset. I'll bet she had a fight with Dr. Grey." Carolyn frowned at the mention of the awful woman's name. "Can I go over there for a while? I'll just see if I can get her to calm down and go to sleep."

"Of course, dear. If she doesn't want to be alone, bring her over here. Her room is ready for her."

"Okay. I'll be back in a bit." Derek grabbed his jacket from the coat hanger and walked out the front door. Sighing, he threw his jacket over his arms and ran a hand through his mess of curls. Meredith only ever drank when her and Dr. Grey got into bad fights. He assumed this was one of them. Tequila was her only weakness and with some of the thing Dr. Grey said to her daughter, he could hardly blame her. Sometimes he just wished she'd come to him rather than getting drunk.

Pulling out his keys, he used his emergency key to the Grey's house and walked inside the marble foyer. "Mer?" he called out into the large, empty house.

"Derek!" he heard his girlfriend squeal. He followed the sound of her giggles to the living room where he found his girlfriend sprawled on the couch with a tequila bottle in her hand. "Hi DerBear."

"Don't call me that," he groaned, walking to sit on the couch beside her. He fell on to the cushion with a sigh of relief and grabbed the bottle from Meredith's tiny hands. She reached for it like a baby for its bottle. "No more," insisted Derek, placing the bottle on the table away from her. She reached for it like a baby for its bottle, her arms waving in front of her. "No," he said sternly, putting the bottle out of her reach. She pouted. Derek pulled her off the couch to get her into the kitchen.

"You're cute," she grinned, draping half her body over his chest as he basically dragged her to the kitchen. "We…we should have sex."

Derek flushed red, trying to ignore her intoxicated words.

"I-I think we'd be good at the sex together," she stated. "You're not really sexy," he frowned, "but you're really, really cute. And I love you lotsssss." She hiccupped.

"I love you too," said Derek as he settled Meredith at the kitchen counter. In the light, he discovered a red mark on her face and a slice of split skin on her cheekbone. "Did your mother hit you?"

"I want tequila," she whined.

Sighing, he quickly got a glass of cold water from the sink, adding two ice cubes, before handing it to Meredith. "Chug," he commanded, figuring she'd respond more when she sobered up a little."

"I-I don't want waaaater. I want…I want more teqqqquiiiila."

"No more tequila. Chug," he insisted again. She held the water to her lips and chugged it down like she was told until the glass was empty. He refilled it a few times, every time watching as the water disappeared. After a few glasses she ran to the sink and threw up a few times, the toxic liquids vacating her body. Derek stood beside her, holding her hair back and rubbing her back in soothing circles.

When she calmed down, he sat her back down, grabbed some bread and peanut butter from the fridge, and made her a sandwich exactly the way she liked it. Meredith babbled drunkenly from the counter as Derek worked, occasionally grabbing his attention when her conversation topic reverted to his penis or something of that nature.

Kissing her head, he handed her a plate with the sandwich on it before walking out to grab aspirin. He needed to sober her up so he could drag her back to his house with his mother just thinking she was exhausted from crying.

He grabbed the plastic bottle and returned to Meredith who was quieting down from her loud drunken rambles to a exhausted looking state as she finished the sandwich. "Take two he instructed, shaking two pills into her hand. She grasped the glass of water in front of her, threw the pills into her mouth and took a drink to swallow.

"Feeling a little better?" he questioned. She nodded tiredly. Derek walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her. She curled into his thin chest and her arms hugged his torso. "Did she hit you?" he questioned again.

Meredith nodded sadly. Derek lifted her chin so he could examine the side of her face. He pressed a soft kiss to the red area then squeezed Meredith tighter. The sounds of Ellis' raised voice and the sing of the slap reverberated through her mind as Derek held her close.

_You're choosing colleges based on a boy, Meredith? I thought I raised you better!_

_I love Derek mom! He's family!_

_No. I'm your mother and you will choose the best school possible._

After a few minutes he shifted so one arm was behind her back, her arms were around his neck, and his other arm was positioned, ready to scoop her legs up. He mustered all his strength and picked her up, beginning to walk towards the door. Somehow he managed to get it open, walk through, and close it again behind himself. Meredith nose nuzzled into the crook of his neck, her arms tightly holding his neck.

Her soft lips pressed against his neck as she whispered, "I love you," to him.

"Love you too, Mer," he sighed, kissing her temple. He walked across the grass to his house and kicked the door three times instead of knocking. Moments later, Carolyn was opening the door, a worried expression on her face. "Is it okay if Meredith lies in my room with me for a bit?"

"Of course, I trust you two to be responsible. Just leave the door open a crack."

"Thanks, ma."

"Do you need anything?"

He shook his head. "I think we're okay."

"Just yell if you need anything."

Smiling he nodded and continued forwards. As he made it to the bottom of the stairs he quietly asked, "Can you walk?" She nodded, allowing herself to be gently dropped from his arms. Her arms slid down his body, wrapping around his waist rather than his neck. One of his arms slid around her shoulders as they climbed the stairs.

Derek managed to get her up to his room and tuck her into bed. As he sat beside her, she immediately curled into his chest. Safe and warm in Derek's arms, Meredith allowed herself to let a few tears fall on to her cheeks.

_No matter what_, she vowed, _I will never leave him_.

_So darlin', darlin' stand by me _  
><em>Oh stand by me<em>  
><em>Oh stand, stand by me, stand by me <em>

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><p><strong>AN: Remember how I was doing little epigraphs at the end of the chapters... then forgot about them? Well, they're back.**


	12. First

**A/N: Wooh! Here we go! End of High School. Sadly, only for MerDer... I've still got a year to go.**

**Disclaimer (because I haven't done one in a while): I do not own Meredith or Derek... Shonda does... that's sad.**

**Anyways, here you go! Read away!**

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><p><strong>7 MONTHS LATER- June 4, 1997<strong>

"We're done!" squealed Meredith as she pulled Derek into their hotel room. He followed her, his hand clasped in hers, a smile on his face.

"No more high school," Derek grinned widely, pulling Meredith's small frame into his arms as they stood in front of the queen sized bed.

"We go off to New York in two months," he added excitedly. Having gotten their college acceptances a few months earlier it had been decided that they'd go to Columbia together in New York.

"Mhm. No more dumpster tosses," she teased, curling into his arms. Derek's teeth bit into her neck playfully, punishing her for the jest. She giggled at the sensation of his warm breath and teeth on her neck. "No more evil mothers."

"Just you and me," grinned Derek, his hands gilding down Meredith's body down to her hips, resting there.

"Forever," she whispered, resting her forehead against his. His lips dipped softly in, capturing hers in a soft kiss. Her hands slid to the back of his neck, pulling him in deeper and deeper as he strengthened his hold on her hips so their pelvises mashed together. From her position she slid her arms all the way around his neck while keeping their lips together. His fingers found the zipper of the dress and pulled it down, leaving it open but still covering her. She forced him back towards the bed so his knees hit it and he fell, her on top of him.

Moments later, he pulled back from Meredith leaving her panting heavily for breath. He looked into her dark, hungry eyes. "Mer, are you sure you want to do this?"

In place of a verbal response, Meredith rested a gentle hand on Derek's cheek, using it to pull his face in for a kiss. "I love you," she smiled against his lips. With another quick skeptical look, he reconnected their mouths, their tongues immediately seeking one another out.

"Love you too," he whispered against her lips before pressing his back on hers. "You are so… perfect…" Derek whispered in between kisses, pressing his hips heavily into his girlfriend's.

His practiced lips made their way down her neck biting and sucking as his hands caressed her sides over her dress. None of this was new ground for them, having made out but it felt different, more intimate as Derek used his extensive knowledge of her body to stimulate every nerve ending.

Meredith inhaled and exhaled shakily, her breath hitching each time Derek did something especially toe-curling. His soft, long fingers stroked over the dip where Meredith's shoulders meet his neck, following his touch with caressing kisses that made her brain want to explode like a grenade.

Moving her hands up his body, she smiled devilishly and began unbuttoning his shirt.

"Mer…" Derek breathed, "are- are you sure you want to do this?"

"You talk too much," she said teasingly but seriously whilst keeping her eyes firmly locked with Derek's, their eyes speaking silent words. She reached up and cupped his face in her hand as she stroked her thumb across his cheekbone. Meredith leaned in towards him and captured his mouth to bring him into a searing kiss, making her intentions clear.

"If you're sure then…"

"Oh, shut up, Derek and freaking kiss me!" she groaned. He followed her command, bringing his head down back to hers and capturing her mouth with his. Her hands slid into his open shirt, helping him shrug it off his shoulders. As the cloth fell off him, she flung it across the room.

Next her deft fingers made quick work of his belt buckle and pants, which promptly found their way to the floor.

"I feel very uneven here," complained Derek, feeling the cool of the room on his almost bare body.

"Maybe you should fix that," she grinned as she shimmied her shoulders out of the dress. He made quick work of pulling it off her body so they were both down to their undergarments.

After kissing his way down her body, worshiping every inch, they became lost in the scent of sex and the sound of pleasure filled moans.

* * *

><p>A while later, Meredith's head pillowed Derek's thin chest, her arm draped across his stomach. His arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her into his body. Pressed to his chest, her ear listened to the rhythmic, slightly fast, beat of his heart. Slowly she rose onto her elbows, her chin resting on his chest.<p>

"Well, you're looking all thoughtful," she said with a small smile. "I hope they're good thoughts."

"I was just thinking about how pretty you are," he grinned, leaning in to press his lips to hers.

"Well I think you're pretty good looking yourself."

Quiet filled the room as they sat making comfortable eye contact, kissing lightly every minute or so.

Meredith moved over so she was pressed on top of Derek. She scooted so her face was directly on top of his, noses pressing together. "I'm glad it was you," she whispered, her hot breath fanning his face.

"Hmm?"

"My first. I'm glad it was my best friend."

"Me too," he said, smiling. He raised his head and kissed her lips, receiving enthusiastic

"Oh, hello," she giggled, feeling something poking her thigh. Derek made a face between blushing and smiling.

"You want to…"

"Could we maybe…shower first?"

"Of course. Why don't we take a bath?" he suggested.

"This is why I love you," she smiled.

"Come on." Derek sat up, bringing Meredith with him. Looking at the sheets next to him as the blankets slid, his eyes popped in panic. "Are you okay?" he asked frantically.

"I'm fine," she assured him, cuddling into his arms.

"You're bleeding!" he exclaimed.

"That's normal."

"But it's my fault!" he said, moving away from her and pulling the blanket over his lower extremities.

Meredith at him, pleading with her eyes for him to stop. "Derek. Bleeding after the first time is completely normal. I wouldn't change what we did for the world." Her hands softly stroked his arms as she spoke. She pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder, moving her face close to his.

He looked contemplative for a second but leaned down and hug her.

"I love you, Derek," she said.

"I love you too."

"So can we take that bath now?"

Nodding he leaned in, picked her up and walked to the bathroom.

_I'm feeling right where I belong_  
><em>With you tonight<em>  
><em>Like being in love<em>  
><em>To feel for the first time<em>

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><p><strong>AN: I was going to write some fumbley awkward first time sex but now fanfiction is deleting stories with smut. If anyone's interested, I'll write it and post it on my livejournal/tumblr and link it with the next chapter.**

**Let me know!**

**And as always, I love love love comments/reviews.**


	13. Call

**A/N: Sorry this took a while! It's a little dramatic... and has kind of a cliff hanger.**

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><p><strong>8 MONTHS LATER- February 13, 1998<strong>

Meredith groaned as Derek's answering machine sounded again. For two days she had been trying to find him to no avail. They had planned a date the night before that he never showed up for. Rather than go out with friends, she had stayed in, waiting for Derek to pick her up for a date. Realizing he wasn't going show up, she'd just stripped off her dress and gotten into bed. The sound of his answering machine just pissed her off more. Now, not only had he blown her off, he wasn't even apologetic. Feeling the anger bubbling inside her she quickly got herself ready, called a friend, and left the apartment.

In a haze she made her way to a local coffee shop, ordered a black coffee and grabbed a seat. After waiting alone for a few minutes a leggy red head walked into the coffee shop, ordered a coffee, and sat with Meredith. "I hate Professor Taylor," she said.

"I hate my boyfriend," Meredith countered,

"Ooh," said the red head interestedly, sipping her coffee, "you first."

"Last night he blew me off and I still haven't heard from him. I've called multiple times and it keeps going to voicemail. I don't know what to do, Addie."

"When's the last time you saw him?" she asked.

Meredith sighed dejectedly. "Almost three weeks ago."

"Seriously? Why?" asked Addison, getting angry for her best friend. She and Meredith had met at a party in the first week of school and had quickly bonded. For the first few months of their friendship she and Derek had been a package deal but for the last month or two Derek had been around sparsely if at all.

"Mark invited me to a party," Meredith mimicked her boyfriend. "Mark and I are studying. Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark."

"Do you mean Mark Sloan?" questioned Addison.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"I may have slept with him like a month ago…" she said guiltily.

"Addison!" exclaimed Meredith.

"He's attractive," she defended. "It was after Thomas dumped me and I wanted a little comfort sex."

"I call slut," teased Meredith.

"Oh shut up. Just because you've only been with one guy…"

Meredith was silent for a moment, her eyes trained on the ground. "You're right."

Addison sighed. "Mer, I didn't-"

"No, Addie, you're right," she interrupted. "I have only ever been with one guy. And now, that one guy won't talk to me." Void of words to comfort her friend, Addison rested her hand on Meredith. "He's all I have, Addie. Do you think he'll break up with me?"

"Okay, that's it. Meredith Grey, stop it," she said forcefully. "Derek is not going to break up with you! He's enjoying the freedom of being a college freshman boy. He just needs to be reeled back in. You need to get your butt over to his dorm and snap some sense into him. If you want, I'll distract Mark for the night so Derek can't run away."

"Do you…like Mark, Addie? Like, boyfriend like him?" asked Meredith, forgetting her own problem for a moment.

"He's annoyingly charming, okay? I just…I like him," she admitted. Meredith smirked at her friend. "Shut up, Mer." Meredith laughed and Addison smacked her arm lightly. "So tonight. Go see Derek."

"I will. Now, enough wining from me," she said. "Why do you hate Professor Taylor?"

* * *

><p>Almost timidly, Meredith walked up to Derek's dorm room door, took a deep breath, and knocked. A few seconds past and the door flew open. "Mer!" said the surprised boy behind the door. Like a habit he leaned in to kiss her. Rather than getting her lips, Meredith turned her head so his lips pressed to her cheek.<p>

"Can I come in?" she questioned impatiently, looking him up and down. The boy in front of her wasn't her Derek. Her Derek was a scrawny little guy with braces and uncontrollable hair. It wasn't so much his appearance that was different but looking at him, he was a different person. Gone was the sweet boy who made Meredith the center of his world. The boy who stood in front of her was completely different. He was a college guy who went to the gym every day and wore whatever was fashionable. He never called his mother anymore and, he cared more about a friend than his best friend and long time girlfriend.

"Of course," he agreed quickly, noticing her cold demeanor. She stepped in and walked into the middle of the room awkwardly, her arms crossed over her chest. "What's wrong?"

Meredith stared into his eyes disbelievingly. "Seriously? Seriously, Derek?" she snapped. "You're asking me what's wrong?"

"Yeah, Mer, you're upset."

"But you don't know why?"

"No!"

Meredith fumed. _He doesn't even remember!_ "Seriously? I can't even…" her anger tied her tongue. "Go listen to your messages."

"My messages…" Realization dawned on him. _We had a date last night._ "Meredith…I'm so sorry."

"So, what's your excuse this time?" she scowled, narrowing her eyes at him. The memories of sitting alone in her apartment, dressed up with nowhere to go, on a Saturday night fueled her anger. Derek, the man who was supposed to be her everything, had humiliated her and completely forgotten about her.

"Mark and I-"

"Well that explains it," she snapped.

"What? Mark?"

"Derek, have you realized every time you cancel on me or say you're busy it's because of that man-whore?"

"Hey, he's my friend. I'm allowed to have friends," he defended himself.

"Of course you can have friends, Derek!" she groaned in frustration. "But what do you do with your man-whore friend when you're busy blowing off your girlfriend? Do you two go out lady picking together? Chat up some bitches?" The realization that she was being highly irrational crossed her mind but the anger over rode it.

Derek looked genuinely hurt by her accusation. In her enraged state, Meredith ignored his kicked puppy dog look. "Meredith. How can you talk like that?" he asked, his voice breaking.

"It's easy, Derek. I've barely seen you since Christmas break-"

"I've been busy-" he cut in.

"And every time I call to ask if you want to go out with me, you're with Mark," she finished.

"I need to let off some steam sometimes," he cried out.

"Without me?" she asked, trying to hold the genuine hurt from her tone and stick with anger. "What am I, a burden?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "No! Mer that's-"

"You know what?" She took a deep breath, trying to get the next words out, "I won't make it hard for you to relax anymore. Bye, Derek." Breaking up with him before he broke up with her seemed like a good idea in her irrational, angry state.

"Meredith!" yelled Derek. "You can't do this! You can't just run off!"

"Oh, really?" she snapped. "Because I obviously can and I'm going to."

With that Meredith turned on her heel, walked out the door, and slammed it behind her. It wasn't until she was a safe distance from Derek's dorm that she let herself break down and cry.

_This road never looked so lonely  
><em>_This house doesn't burn down slowly  
><em>_To ashes, to ashes_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yeah. So tell me what you think... the next part will hopefully be up soon!**


	14. Restore

**A/N: Hey all! Here ya go! Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Derek stared at the closed door of his dorm for a moment, unable to move. He felt his heart clench tightly and something was constricting the airflow to his lungs. Stumbling backwards he fell onto his bed and began to hyperventilate. <em>What just happened?<em> Meredith had walked out on him. Somehow that didn't compute in his mind. Meredith couldn't have walked out on him. They were Meredith and Derek. They were everything. It didn't matter that they were young; they meant everything to each other. _She's it for me._ Trying to calm down, Derek found tears pouring out of his eyes. He covered his face with his hands, crying into his open palms.

In his head he went through everything that had happened in the past months, trying to figure out how it got to Meredith walking out on him.

* * *

><p><strong>FLASHBACK- A FEW WEEKS EARLIER<br>**"Derek, let's go out tonight," said Mark, barging into their room. The door swung into the wall with a bang before swinging almost closed. "Trev is having a party. People are saying it'll be the party of the year."

Derek looked guiltily at Mark then looked back to his shirt buttons. "Sorry, Mark. I've got a date with Mer tonight." His fingers made quick work of the buttons and he tucked the shirt in.

"Oh come on," groaned Mark. "You can go out with her any time. Trev's party is only tonight. Live a little. You can't let some chick rule your college experience."

"Meredith is not some chick," he said, affronted.

"In any case, you gotta get out and have fun!"

"I will have fun tonight, with Mer." Derek stepped over to the full-length mirror on the other side of his room and fixed his tie.

"No!" Mark complained, falling down on his bed. "Come on, dude! I'm going to teach you how to live. You're kind of pathetic with your girl record."

"I've had a girlfriend since I was fourteen. I think I win. When people say us they 'aww,'" he argued.

"Yeah, 'Aww poor soul. Tied to one chick since he was fourteen!'"

"I don't care."

"Come on man! Just this once." Mark walked up to Derek, grabbing the other man's shoulders to make him face him. "If you don't go, you'll regret it for the rest of your college experience," he appealed, gripping Derek's shoulders. "Tell her you're sick or something!"

Derek thought about it, looking away from his friend for a moment. _It is important that I make new friend and really experience college. Objectively, Mer would agree. _"I'm in."

* * *

><p><strong>CURRENT DAY<br>**Derek felt a strong desire to slap himself silly when remembering that day. That single evening had sent him spiraling out of control. _How could I have been so stupid? College fun is much less important than Meredith._ After that evening, his freedom as a college student had given Mark leverage to get him out. Even though every time he went out he felt a faint pang in his chest at the fact that he should be with his girlfriend, it had never been enough to get him back on course.

Calming down, he decided no matter what, this had to be fixed. And there was only one person he could think of that could handle the job. _Mom._

With a newfound determination he burst out of his dorm and ran down to his car. Ignoring the fact that it was a Saturday night at 6PM and he wouldn't get there for at least two hours, he headed towards his childhood home.

* * *

><p>Bursting through the door of her dorm, Meredith threw herself onto her bed and sobbed. No matter how much Derek had been hurting her, walking out on him had hurt more. She realized that Derek must hate her now. And when Derek was upset he ran to mom. Which meant now mom hated her. And if mom hated her, so did all the sisters.<p>

Everything was gone. She had no one.

Newfound sobs wracked her chest as she struggled to breathe. She stayed in the same position for almost an hour, sobbing into her pillow until a knock on her door brought her out of her misery momentarily. Unable to move from her slackened position she just let out a muffled, "Come in!"

When the person opened the door, Meredith turned her head to check who it was. Addison stood in the doorway, looking at Meredith curiously.

"Oh god, Addie. I-" she tried to get in a breath, "I don't know," breath, "what I just did," Meredith sobbed.

Immediately Addison rushed to her side and tried to comfort her, rubbing her back and petting her hair. It took a while but Meredith calmed down enough to talk. "What happened?" asked Addison. "I thought you were going to settle everything."

"I-I walked out on him," she whimpered.

"That's what you get from me saying, 'Knock some sense into him?'"

"I was," sob, "so mad," sob, "I just…" She couldn't talk anymore, her sobs wracking her chest at the memory of actually walking out on Derek, the love of her life.

Addison shushed her gently, continuing to rub her back. Finally Meredith's breaths evened out. Peeking at Meredith's face, Addison smiled, seeing her friend fast asleep. Quietly she stood and walked over to Meredith's inflatable chair in the corner, plopping down in it. Not wanting to leave her friend alone, Addison took out some homework and started it, glancing over to the sleeping girl every once in a while.

* * *

><p>Derek pulled his car up into his mother's driveway and got out, tripping over his own feet as he dashed to the door. He knocked frantically, leaning against the doorframe. When no one answered immediately, he knocked again. The door swung open and his little sister stood in the doorway. "What's wrong with you?" she questioned, arms crossed in front of her chest. She tapped her black painted fingers against her bicep, waiting for him.<p>

"Is Mom home?" he asked brokenly.

"Yeah, why?"

Rather than answer, Derek pushed past her and stormed into the house. "Mom!" he called loudly. "Mom!"

"Derek?" she asked curiously, walking out from the kitchen, her hands covered in a dishtowel. "What are you doing here?"

"I made a mistake," he said brokenly.

She looked at him questioningly before speaking again. "Come in. I'll make some hot chocolate." Derek followed his mother back into the kitchen. "Amelia!" she called behind herself. "Go finish your homework." Before the kitchen door closed, Derek heard his sister's angry footsteps ascending the stairs. Sitting down at the island in the kitchen, he rested his head on his folded hands. "So tell me, Derek. What's wrong?"

While his mother prepared the hot chocolate, Derek told his story, right from Christmas Break. When he finished Carolyn looked at him and with a straight face walked up to him and smacked him upside his head.

"Mom!" he whined, rubbing the back of his head.

"I did not raise you to act like this, Derek Shepherd," scolded Carolyn. He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off. "I don't want to hear another word out of you. You are going to get back in your car and go apologize profusely. You will grovel and beg if you must."

"I doubt it'll make a difference," he grumbled.

"Well, I'm going to call her right now and see if I can't help. And also, Derek, do you know what that poor girl must be thinking? Meredith has no family besides us, Derek. She probably think I hate her and all the sisters hate her because she broke up with you. She's probably feels alone and just as bad as you." Derek looked at his hands guiltily, unable to bring himself to move. When he didn't, Carolyn grabbed his collar and dragged him towards the door.

"Ouch, Mom!" he complained as she pulled him through the entryway.

"Go!" With that, she opened the door and shoved him out. "Love you, Derek! Call me when it's all better!"

Shutting the door behind her son, Carolyn dashed back to the kitchen and dialed Meredith's number. She called again and again until someone picked up.

"Hello?" said the person on the other end.

"Hello, who is this? I'm looking for Meredith," said Carolyn.

"I'm her friend Addison," she said. "May I ask who's calling?"

"Her mother," she answered. Carolyn heard Addison tell Meredith that her mother was calling and Meredith's protest of, "No. No. No. No."

"I'm sorry, Meredith's asleep right now," said Addison.

Carolyn chuckled. "Tell her it's Carolyn, not Ellis." Once again she heard Addison relay the message but this time she couldn't hear Meredith's response.

"Meredith wants to know if you know," Addison stated.

"I do."

There was silence on the other end then Addison spoke again, "She wants to know, do you hate her?"

"Of course not!" she sighed emphatically. "Please put her on the line."

There was some shuffling and Meredith asking Addison to give her a minute then Meredith said, "Hello," in the most broken voice she'd heard.

"Oh my darling," cooed Carolyn.

Carolyn heard distinctive sniffling. "You don't hate me?" Meredith choked out.

"Oh dear, I could never hate you. I'm your mother…or as good as," she implored. "Nothing can or will change that."

"But I-I broke up with…Derek," she sobbed.

"I know what my idiot son did. And he's coming to apologize to you." While she talked, Carolyn started to clean up the hot chocolate she'd been making, saving a glass to bring up to Amelia before bed.

"Carolyn-"

"Mom," she insisted.

"Mom…I can't-"

"Meredith, you and Derek are meant for each other. I think I knocked some sense into him. I know what he did hurt you but I think he's learned his lesson. You taught him what it would be like to loose you. Frankly, I think all the sisters would jump to your side rather than his."

"I didn't mean to break up with him," she said softly.

"Oh, I know, dear. We all do and say stupid things when we're mad." Meredith stayed quiet. "Well, rest up a bit. You just sound awful. Call me after you talk to him."

"Okay, I will. Thanks, Mom," she said.

"I love you, Meredith."

"Love you too."

Hearing that from her honorary daughter made her heart swim as she hung up. _Now, I wait._ Looking at the clock, she figured she would hear anything for at least a few hours and knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep with this on her mind, she started taking out cookie trays.

Baking was the only thing that could calm her frayed nerves.

* * *

><p>Around two hours after his mother threw him out, Derek stumbled towards Meredith's dorm. He realized it was incredibly late but he wouldn't be able to sleep until this was settled. Continuing forwards he banged on Meredith's door.<p>

"Hello, jackass," snapped Addison as she swung open the door.

"Can I talk to Meredith?" he asked tiredly.

Before Addison could deny him, Meredith's cry-worn voice answered, "Let him in, Addie."

Rolling her eyes, Addison let Derek in and let herself out with a little call me sign to Meredith. As the door shut, silence and awkwardness settled over the room. Derek couldn't bear to look at Meredith so he took to staring at his own feet. He shuffled them around, anything to occupy some part of his body.

Meredith on the other hand couldn't stop staring at him, just waiting for him to say something. Her eyes wandered to his tired face and took in his bloodshot eyes weary expression. Sadness flooded through her. He might have messed up but he was still her Derek. For the first time in weeks she really saw him: the love of her life.

"I'm so so sorry, Mer," he choked out, finally looking her in the eyes. "You had every right to send me away. I was such an ass." When she didn't offer anything, he continued. "I love you so much and I should never have blown you off like that. I was stupid and immature."

Meredith didn't say anything for a moment, just contemplated what he'd said. "I just don't understand why it happened," she said.

"It happened because Mark is an awful influence and truthfully, I was just having fun hanging out with the guys for the first time ever for me."

"So…how do we fix this?" she questioned with tear filled eyes. "Because…I want to, Derek. I just want you."

Derek sighed, walked forwards, and knelt in front of Meredith, taking her hands in his. "You accept my apology. And I promise that I won't do this again."

"I want you to feel like you can hang out with friends though," she insisted.

"How about we make any weeknight we're both free and all Fridays and Sunday afternoons just about us," he suggested. "It can even be just the two of us sitting together and doing work. Then Saturday we can go do whatever we want, with friends."

"Sounds fair," she agreed.

"Can we seal it with a kiss?" he asked hopefully. With a small grin, she nodded. Instantly his lips were pressed to hers and his hands rested on her cheeks.

"I love you," she muttered into the kiss.

"Love you too."

_And so I'd run now to the things  
><em>_they said could restore me  
><em>_Restore life the way it should be_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hoping you liked it! Come tell me!**

**-H**


	15. Fireworks

**A/N: I am the worst. I've had this written for a while and was so sure I posted it but I didn't. SO sorry for the wait. I also have the next written so you'll get in a few days to make up.**

**I'll try to be faster but senior year is a bitch. After February 2****nd**** I'm all yours.**

**Also, I kind of mapped out everyone's ages just for me really…it got a bit messed up but here it is: Rachel is 13, Amelia is 16, Derek and Meredith are 19, Kathleen is 20, and Nancy is 22. **

XXX

**5 MONTHS LATER- July 4****th****, 1998**

Derek tightened his arms around his girlfriend, pulling her flush against his chest. Her head immediately fell onto his shoulder, forehead pressing against the side of his neck. He rubbed his chin against her head as they nuzzled together. "I'm going to be sad when we're back in school and we can't do this anymore," he said.

"Shh," Meredith shushed him, patting his thigh. "We've still got almost two months for this."

Her eyes closed under her sunglasses and his followed. The sun beat down on them hotly. Meredith shifted above her boyfriend, her head turning so her temple pressed to his cheek, her body almost using his as a lawn chair. They lay like that comfortably for a while, just enjoying the chance to relax.

"Meredith, come on. Get off my brother and lets go for a swim!" yelled Kathleen.

One of Meredith's eyes cracked open and she picked up her head just enough to see Kathleen waving her over. "I'm wanted. In the lake, I think," she said quietly, turning her head to look at her boyfriend.

"But _I_ want you _here_," he whined childishly, wrapping his arms around her waist. His face instantly buried into her neck as he held on to her.

"Mer! Come on!" demanded Kathleen.

Turning to kneel on the lounge chair for a moment, she leaned forwards, kissed Derek's pouting lips then got up, giving him a coy smile. His hand grasped the air after her, reaching for her hand but missing. He groaned flopping back on the chair. His eyes shut under the sunglasses, as he got comfortable in the new position.

Meredith sauntered away, walking towards the waterline to meet Kathleen. "Watch this," snickered Kathleen, linking her arms with Meredith.

"What?"

Kathleen nodded towards Derek. Moments later, Amelia and Rachel were on either side of him, both holding buckets. They over turned the buckets, dumping water over Derek. He yelped in surprise and anger, curls matting on his forehead and bare chest dripping. "Amelia! Rachel!" he screamed angrily. By the time he stood up, they were already running, leaving the buckets behind. Derek wiped his curls away from his eyes and chased after them. Laughing, they led him around the beach, until they both made a run for the water. With his longer legs he caught up, grabbing each around the waist.

Meredith and Kathleen watched, laughing hysterically. Nancy even peeked out from behind her sunglasses and magazine and cracked a smile.

Derek dragged his younger sisters into the water, as the kicked and screamed in his arm. He'd been building up his muscles so dragging them was an easy task. As he the water reached his knees, he threw each sister using one arm so that they tripped and toppled into the water. Seconds later they popped up again laughing. With the younger girls in, he turned to the Kathleen and Meredith with a manic grin and started stalking towards them.

Knowing what he was going to do, they began to back up. "Derek Shepherd, don't you dare!" Meredith screamed at him. He jumped forwards, grabbing both of them. Kathleen he dragged and threw towards the water. Being almost his size, she didn't go far, mostly she just fell over, smacking against the surface.

Meredith's eyes widened and her heart beat rapidly as she silently pleaded with Derek not to throw her. Instead of throwing his girlfriend, he secured both of his arms around her waist and dragged her so they were ribs-deep in the water. Meredith turned in his arms so that they were chest to chest. "Thank you," she whispered, heartbeat slowing to normal.

"I'd never do that, Mer. I know," he reminded her softly. Her arms tightened around his neck. To keep public decency, he just lightly kissed her cheek.

Slowly, the three sisters he'd attacked moved towards the two of them, ready to strike back. Derek moved Meredith to his back where she clung like a baby koala as they had a water fight.

XXX

Hours later the sun set over the horizon as they set up shop at the local campground. Carolyn had packed sandwiches, brownies, and lemonade for the whole group. Years before their 4th of July had been an at home barbecue but since Christopher had died she couldn't bring herself to keep that up she switched them to fireworks in town with a picnic.

Rachel helped her older sisters lay two large, quilted blankets over the grass. The baskets and bags of food were then placed in the middle, before the family sat around them.

Amelia sat in the corner, partially turned away from everyone, her shulders slumped over and knees pulled up to her chest. Her brooding face warding off the rest of the family. They mainly knew better than to try to get through to her when she got like this, though it had been getting more frequent.

"Did something happen to Amelia?" Kathleen asked her mother quietly. "She was so happy this afternoon."

"I told her she couldn't bring her boyfriend because tonight was for _family_," said Carolyn pointedly, looking at her daughter.

"Derek got to bring his girlfriend," grumbled Amelia as she turned her head ever so slightly towards her mother.

"Amelia, quit it," Carolyn demanded. "Meredith was family long before she was Derek's girlfriend."

"Yeah, and Meredith's not a motorcycle riding, pierced up, tattooed looser," Derek added. He'd met Amelia's boyfriend the day before and the boy had not made a good impression.

"James isn't like that!" yelled Amelia, turning her head to fully face her brother. Their eyes met like a clash of steel. "You don't know him!"

"Kids, let's not do this now," said Carolyn loudly—looking from her son to her daughter—despite her agreement with her son. Meredith grabbed Derek's hand, giving him a pointed look to silence him. "Amelia, this is a family holiday. Maybe James can come over and go to the beach with us later in the week. For now though, please put a happier face on and just try have a good time with your family."

Amelia gave her mother a wide, fake grin before quickly frowning again and turning away from the group.

"Fine," conceded Carolyn, with a shrug. "No desert for you then." She then turned away from her brooding daughter to her eldest, striking up a conversation. Rachel lay her head on her mother's shoulder, listening to the conversation.

With an upset look towards his younger sister, Derek turned to Kathleen, asking about her newest boyfriend.

While everyone was talking, Meredith crawled away from Derek, moving over to Amelia. She sat beside the younger girl, knees tucked up to her chest. Amelia didn't speak, she only sat there, brooding and stealing glances at Meredith. "I don't want to talk," Amelia finally said.

"That's fine," said Meredith with a shrug.

"You can go back to your boyfriend," she snapped.

"I'm good here," responded Meredith. "We don't have to talk." So they didn't, for a few minutes at least. "Okay, there's just one thing I have to say." Turning her head she looked at Amelia until the younger girl looked back. "I know James seems like he's a big softie rolled up in a hard outer shell and you think you can fix him. I get it. It's a very Shepherd thing. Your brother does the same thing."

"What do you mean?" questioned Amelia irritably.

"Amy, if you hadn't noticed, I'm a little…dark and twisty sometimes. I get to a place that isn't good. I know you do too. But I have Derek to pull me out of it. He's just so…great at-"

"I don't want to hear about you having sex with my brother," she interrupted in horror.

"No. It's not that," giggled Meredith. "He's just so comforting and I feel like he fixes my dark and twisty parts. And you want to do that for James, I get it. But, sometimes, there's too much. I recognize James' type. I'd probably be him if I hadn't met you guys. But I did. And you Shepherds fixed me. But, Amelia, you're sixteen. James isn't someone that you can fix with a snap of your fingers. He's really messed up. And your family just doesn't want you to be like him."

"There's nothing wrong with him," she snapped, hugging her knees tightly to her chest.

"Have you seen the needle marks on his arm? Ever wonder what those are?" asked Meredith sternly, needing the younger girl to understand.

"I never thought about it." Suddenly Amelia seemed four years younger. She was just a child again, ignorant and naive. Meredith wished Amelia could stay like that, thinking the best of everyone but she knew James wasn't someone who Amelia could handle.

"Amy, it's not medicine," she implored.

"Meredith-"

"No, Amy. Really. He's not good for you. I know you're good for him but sometimes you have to be selfish. You can't go down that path." When Amelia tried to speak up, Meredith overlapped her. "I don't know what's going on with you but earlier today I got to see you in a way I haven't seen since dad died."

A cold, hard, and angry look covered Amelia's face as she turned her whole face towards Meredith. "Stop." Her voice came out in a low hiss.

Ignoring the younger girl's look, Meredith pressed on. "I know that day changed you. But you need to remember that Derek and I were there too. We know how you feel-"

"He wasn't even your father!" she whispered harshly, interrupting the older girl. Everyone else in the family was too absorbed in their own conversations to notice. "You're not even a Shepherd. Stop talking like you even know half of what I'm feeling."

A vice-like grip tightened around Meredith's heart, threatening to tug it down to her stomach. There was a pit in her throat as she bit her lip, taking deep breaths. Without another word, the older girl stood and looked down at the rest of the family.

"Mer, you okay?" Derek asked immediately, his blue eyes staring up at her.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, brushing a stray lock of hair away from her face. "I'm suddenly feeling kind of nauseous." For dramatic effect she put her hand on her stomach. "I think I might go home."

"Mer, you shouldn't miss the fireworks," said Rachel sadly.

"No, yeah, I'm just going to put a damper on everything. I'll probably be able to see them from home anyways."

Carolyn nodded in sympathy. "Well, go get some rest, dear. I'll come check on you later."

"You don't have to Carolyn, it's fine. I think I'll just go right to sleep," she said decisively. "Good night, everyone." Like she would be in physical pain if she stayed a moment longer, Meredith bolted away.

"Derek, go take her home," said Carolyn quickly. "I don't want her going alone."

"Of course," he agreed before springing to his feet. "Mer! Wait up!"

Meredith turned on her heel, half facing Derek. "You don't have to come with me. Stay with your family."

"Our family, you mean?" he said skeptically, stepping towards her.

Her hands jutted out, almost as if to push him away. "Just, stay. Have fun. I'll be fine." She gave him a smile.

"I'm coming with you," he insisted. "I won't let you be alone. And I wouldn't have fun anyways. I'd be too worried."

She sighed. "Fine."

"Thanks for making me feel so wanted," he joked with her, falling into step beside her as they started walking again.

Suddenly her face fell. "Sorry, Derek. I-"

"Calm down. It's okay," he assured her sadly, reaching around her waist to pull her toward himself. "So what hurts?"

"I just feel sick," she replied quickly, but believably.

"I could carry you if you wanted. If you're tired, I don't mind." Meredith shrugged. Stopping abruptly he let go of her, bent down a little, standing ready for her. He let go and turned his back to her "Hop on."

After a skeptical look, she jumped on to his back and his arms quickly caught the top of her thighs.

Meredith wrapped her arms securely around his neck, then rested her head on his shoulder, face turned into his neck. Breathing in she smiled softly. Even if Amelia was right and the Shepherds weren't her real family, she knew Derek would at least always be her home.

_I'm not at home_  
><em>I have no instruments, no instruments<em>  
><em>I'm using yours<em>


	16. Us

**A/N: Wow! WOW. Okay, the response to the last chapter was just... oh dear. Thank you all so much! Here's the conclusion then we'll have another flash forwards.**

* * *

><p>Derek neared the two houses, Meredith still clinging to his back like a Koala. Crossing the street, he started to walk towards his own home.<p>

"I said I wanted to go home," said Meredith quietly.

"I'm bringing you home," he responded, confused.

"Not your house, my house."

Something inside Derek began to hurt, alerting him that there was something actually wrong with Meredith. "But if you're sick-"

"I just want to be in my own bed," she said quickly.

"But isn't Ellis working?"

"Yeah. So I'll be alone and it'll be nice."

"But-"

"Derek, please."

Meredith had never asked him to go back to her cold, emty house. He always felt like he saved her from that, from ever having to feel alone again. This gave him pause, whatever was wrong with her wouldn't be better if she was alone in her house rather than surrounded by family but the sound of her voice directly in his ear, pleading, made him comply. "Fine. But you're not going alone. I'm coming with you," he insisted.

"Okay," she agreed quickly.

He'd expected more of a fight but he took what he could get and walked the path to the Grey house and dropped Meredith off his back. She opened the door and they walked in, immediately venturing to her bedroom.

Meredith kicked off her muddy shoes and climbed into bed with Derek quickly following suit. Immediately he cradled her in his arms and she sunk into him gratefully. He could feel her slightly nuzzle the side of her face against his chest, burrowing into him until he was sure she couldn't get any close. "What's going on, Mer?" he asked in concern.

"Nothing," she mumbled into his chest. "Can we just… be us for a while?"

"Of course," he agreed quickly, getting himself comfortably situated under her and kissing her head.

The room was quiet for a few minutes, just the sound of their breathing and the other little sounds of life.

"Do you love me?" she asked.

Derek grabbed Meredith by whatever he could, pulling her up to face him. When she was sitting up more, he cupped her face, forcing her to look up at him. Their eyes met and Derek could, for the first time, see how upset Meredith really was.

With a slight frown, he leaned in, touching their lips together. "What kind of silly question is that?" he questioned. "I love you more than anyone in the world." He watched as the corners of Meredith's lips twitched. "What brought this up?"

"Nothing," she said.

"Mer, come on. It's me. You can talk to me."

She didn't say a word. He curled himself around her, stroking her comfortingly. Again, she grew quiet for a few minutes before looking up at him. Sighing deeply, she told him about her conversation with Amelia. Next thing Derek saw was red as he bolted out of Meredith's bed.

* * *

><p>"Amelia!" shouted Derek angrily, storming into the house. Meredith followed him quickly, feeling the pressing urge to calm him down. They were barefoot. He continued shouting his sister's name, while holding Meredith's hand, until the girl came down, still fully dressed. Meredith saw his eyes turn a shade she'd never actually seen before. "Don't take your anger issues out on my girlfriend! I can't believe you'd say something like that!"<p>

"Something like what, Derek?" asked Carolyn, walking in from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. Meredith took a step closer to Derek.

Derek turned to his mother and pulled Meredith close. She'd rarely seen him get angry like this, let alone scream at his sister. "She told Meredith that she wasn't a part of the family and that she didn't love Dad as much as anyone else."

Carolyn's face contorted into a similar furious look as her son's. Though Derek was growing into the spitting image of his father, Meredith knew his facial expressions were from his mother. "Amelia Shepherd!" she exclaimed. "You're grounded. Two weeks. How dare you say something like that! Your father loved Meredith as if she was his own flesh and blood and Meredith felt the same way about him. Just like the rest of us. If you insist on being angry all the time, you can. But what you cannot do is take it out on other people! Go to your room."

"Mom!" she cried indignantly.

"Now, Amelia. I'll be up to talk to you more in a few minutes."

With a screeching groan, she ascended the stairs.

Meredith felt bad. She didn't want to get Amelia in trouble. She understood that the younger girl was going through a hard time; she wouldn't have said anything had she been able to lie to Derek.

Immediately, Carolyn turned to the young couple. "Derek go away for a moment," she said.

"Mom-"

"Go, Derek."

Derek turned to his girlfriend, leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Call if you want me," he said quietly before disappearing into the living room.

For some reason Meredith felt fear curl around her lungs and plug up her throat. She curled into herself, looking anywhere but Carolyn.

Next thing she knew, two warm arms were surrounding her tightly, pulling her into a large chest. "Don't ever think you're not part of this family, Meredith," Carolyn said quietly into the girl's ear. She pushed Meredith back and looked at her straight on. Meredith fought to keep eye contact and not shy away. "Since the day you showed up on my doorstep with a broken arm, you've been one of us. And you'll always be one of us. Soon enough, you'll legally be one of us and you can be a Shepherd, if you want. And don't ever think my Christopher didn't love you as much as he loved our girls. I think from the moment we saw you and Derek playing surgery with a teddy bear, you stole his heart."

Tears fell freely down Meredith's cheeks as she nodded in understanding. She realized her insecurities weren't always rational but somehow Carolyn always made sense of everything for her. "Thank you," she said.

"Any time, dear," she assured Meredith with a kiss to the cheek. "Now, would you go calm your boyfriend down? I'm going to talk to my daughter. I don't know what is going on with that girl." Carolyn shook her head, frustrated.

Meredith nodded with a slight smile and left the room. As soon as she turned into the living room, she found Derek pacing the floor agitatedly. His head shot up to look at her and he immediately stepped towards her. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Smiling softly she stepped forwards and threw her arms around his neck. She felt his hands grab her by the waist.

"You're a Shepherd, Mer," he whispered. "You always will be."

_You're never alone,  
><em>_You're never disconnected!  
><em>_You're home with your own:  
><em>_When company's expected,  
><em>_You're well protected!_


	17. Tattoo

**A/N: Sorry about the wait... I was gonna actually re-write the rest of the fic but then I decided to just post this first.**

**But, I'm gonna start re-writng a bit. Just a warning.**

**I'll have the next update up soon.**

**Anyways, this is just fluff.**

* * *

><p><strong>JANUARY 15, 1999<strong>

A sticky heat filled the room, the smell of sweat and sex filling the space. Derek lay on his back, arms around Meredith who pillowed her head on his chest. Their feet rubbed against each other's as they lay back, basking in the soft winter sun that peeked through the blinds.

"So what would you say if I got a tattoo?" questioned Meredith.

Derek looked down at his girlfriend skeptically. "I would say, 'You got a tattoo,'" he replied simply with a hint of snark.

Turning to her side so that half of her body was pressed against him and her head was turned towards him. "Seriously."

He leaned forwards, pressing their lips together. "Seriously, Mer, it's your decision," he implored. "If you want a tattoo, you should get one."

She sighed. "But you're pretty much the only one who'll really spend much…up close and personal time with it. So I want your opinion."

"Well…" he paused, "…give me a second." Derek slid out from under Meredith and sat up in their bed. "Close your eyes." Raising her eyebrow at him, she obeyed, wondering what in the world he could be doing. Derek reached in to the nightstand, grabbing a black sharpie. He closed the door and moved to straddle her pelvis, awkwardly hovering over her.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

"Just…give me a second," he insisted. "And keep your eyes closed."

Meredith felt something cold and wet drag across her chest and she realized Derek was writing something on her. Part of her wanted to stop him but curiosity stopped her.

"Okay, open your eyes!"

Meredith opened her eyes looking up at Derek's smiling face. Looking down, she saw 'PROPERTY OF DEREK SHEPHERD' written in bold, black letters, written across her chest. "Derek!" she squealed.

"I think it looks pretty good," he grinned, rolling off her to curl up beside her.

"Derek!" she repeated, somewhere between admonishing him and laughing.

"You don't like it?" he asked with a knowing smile.

"You're ridiculous."

* * *

><p>"We really need girls nights more often, Addie," said Meredith, knees up to her chest on the couch, beer bottle in her hand.<p>

"Here, here," cheered Addison, leaning forwards and raising her bottle to clink with Meredith's. They both took swigs of their beer before putting them back on the table, almost simultaneously. "I love Mark but sometimes I just need some non-gross boy time."

"I completely understand."

A loud, sloppy knocking at the door interrupted the conversation. Raising eyebrows at each other, they both stood to get the door. Meredith leaned forwards, looking through the peephole. Outside she saw Derek and Mark, leaning against each side of the doorframe, dopey grins on their faces. "It's the boys," she said. "They look drunk."

As if on cue, they began knocking loudly and shouting for them to open the door.

"Let them in before someone calls the cops," suggested Addison.

Immediately, as Meredith began to open the door, the boys fell in, stumbling drunkenly. Meredith and Addison shared a look of exasperation.

Derek launched himself at Meredith, wrapping his arms around her neck, panting heavily into her neck. Cold fingertips slid against her shoulders and she shivered. "You're freezing!" she exclaimed, jumping away from him.

"Nope," he said with an elongated 'o.' "Alco-alc-booze is warm." With that he stumbled over to the couch, falling over the arm.

"Mer, I better get Mark home," sighed Addison. Meredith looked over to see Addison trying to prop her large boyfriend against a wall. "They're both going to be sorry in the morning."

"At least it's Sunday. No classes, no work," Meredith smiled, helping her friend get Mark out the door. "We'll do this again."

"Soon," insisted Meredith. Addison wrapped her arms around Mark's waist and led him out the door, giving Meredith a halfhearted wave.

Closing the door, Meredith turned back to Derek who was smiling lewdly at her from his spot on the couch. "What?" she asked with a small smile.

"You're sexy…and hot," he grinned drunkenly. "There are three of you right now and they're all hot." Derek's eye lids fluttered, drooping closed.

"Really now?" She sauntered towards him, sitting beside his head.

"Mhhmm," he hummed, half asleep. "Hottest girl ever." He reached his hand out, grabbing her ass as to accentuate his point.

"Derek!" she squeaked, jumping in surprise.

He just grinned sleepily.

"Okay, sit up," she instructed firmly, bracing her hand on his shoulders, She pushed him up as he started to sit.

"Oww!" exclaimed Derek, hand flying to his ass.

Meredith looked at him curiously. "What?"

"My butt hurts."

"Your butt hurts," she parroted.

"Kiss it."

"I'm not kissing your butt."

"But it hurts."

"Why does it hurt?"

Derek tried to think but the entire night seemed like a blurred line of events. "I dunno," he finally said.

Meredith let out a short laugh. "Okay, big boy. Let's just get you in bed."

She managed to throw him over herself so that she could drag him. Derek was an adorable drunk but he also lost all capability to not fall over when moving. "God, you smell," she groaned, getting a whiff of stale-bar smell and booze.

They got to the bed and he immediately fell over, falling, fully dressed on top of their comforter. Meredith started to pull off his shoes, and then managed to get his pants off while he lay on the bed like a lump. Climbing up on the bed, she unbuttoned his shirt and tried to wrestle him out of it. He was only half awake so only half able to help her.

In his state, Derek could barely tell what was going on. All he knew was that sleep sounded good.

Once he was left in boxers and a t-shirt, Meredith quickly got herself ready for bed, put a trash can by Derek's side of the bed, left him water and aspirin, then crawled in to bed.

Derek had already pretty much passed out so she tried to wrangle him further up on the bed, then snuggled in to his side. Unconsciously, he threw and arm over her, pulling her in closer.

* * *

><p>Derek woke up with a groan. Everything hurt. It felt like someone was playing the bongos on his temples and his stomach was churning like a sea at storm. Feeling something curling in his throat, he lurched forwards, emptying the few contents of his stomach into the trashcan Meredith had left.<p>

A bit of light peeked through the curtains and Derek squinted, putting his hand in front of his face. Looking to his side, he saw the water and aspirin, quickly popping the pill then downing the whole glass. Upon settling back in bed he felt a sharp pain in his ass and winced, rolling to his side.

The sweet smell of coffee traveled to his nose and he dragged himself out of bed, stumbling tiredly in to the kitchen.

"Hey." Meredith whispered, knowing loud noise would upset him. "Coffee?" He nodded, took the cup out of her hands, and sat down at a stool, wincing. She rubbed a hand down his back offering as much comfort as possible.

"Why does my ass hurt?"

"I have no idea, you said it hurt last night. I figured it was just you being drunk and stupid," said Meredith. "Turn around."

Slowly, Derek stood and turned, pulling his boxers down carefully, so not to drag them over his sore ass. He heard Meredith laugh.

"What?" he questioned.

Meredith didn't answer. She just kept laughing, holding on to the kitchen counter for support, her face turning beet red.

"What? What is it?!"

When she didn't answer, he walked into the bathroom, to look in the mirror. PROPERTY OF MEREDITH SHEPHERD was tattooed across the skin of his firm ass. Suddenly, the night came back to him in a flash. He and Mark had been really drunk and they'd gone into a tattoo parlor and the tattoo had happened.

Meredith appeared behind him, smirking. "I didn't know you'd proposed," she teased. "Or that I'd changed my name."

"I was really drunk," he implored, turning to face her and pulling his boxers up. He rubbed the back of his neck, head turned down, hoping she wasn't actually mad that he assumed she'd change her name.

She sauntered towards him, sliding her hands around his waist. His head fell down on hers, eyes closed, as he groaned. "I think it's pretty sexy," she admitted quietly. His eyes popped open, looking into her eyes.

"Seriously?"

"Sure. It's not like anyone else will ever see it." She shrugged tilting her head up to kiss the side of his mouth. "But, I don't think I'll get a tattoo now. One's enough in this couple."

He growled playfully at her, capturing her lips. "Can we go lie down now? My head is pounding."

"Of course. Get in bed, I'll get your coffee."

He thanked her silently and got into bed, careful to avoid his ass.

_And I don't know what to do Baby, I've been wondering maybe there's something_ _that I could do for you_  
><em>And I will do anything if you'd do one thing for me I said just one thing for<em> _me_  
><em>Please... show me your tattoo<em>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I hope you enjoyed!**


	18. Ellis

**A/N: Your reviews make me really happy. You don't understand.**

**Hope you guys enjoy this one. Bit angsty as the next few will be... I'm gonna try to speed things up to get to the big stuff.**

XXX

**October 4, 1999**

Meredith chewed at her middle finger nail as she shifted back and forth in the lobby of the overly fancy restaurant. She regretted telling Derek he didn't have to come, at the same time, she knew it was good he didn't because lunch with Ellis Grey always involved insults towards Derek and their relationship. While Meredith knew that Derek would have taken it in stride to be there for her, she wanted to save him the burden. It wasn't his mother. His mother was perfect.

"I can't believe you're still biting your nails, Meredith," a familiar voice sounded sharply behind Meredith. She quickly put her hand down to her side, turning to face the person. "And stand up straight."

Holding back a growl, Meredith stood up straight and followed her mother, who stormed right into the restaurant, demanding the best table from the maître d'. Somehow her mother always made her feel like a five year old being scolded, though she was far from five.

With a frightened face, the maître d' showed them to a window seat, leaving menus with them. Meredith smiled at the woman then turned to her mother. "Is there a particular reason for this lunch?" asked Meredith bluntly.

"I was in town. Can't a mother ask her daughter out to lunch?" Ellis questioned almost sweetly.

"Not you," she mumbled.

"Seriously, Meredith. No one can understand you when you mumble like that," she snapped.

"Here we go."

"I'll have less of your impertinence," she said sharply. Meredith went silent, figuring if she didn't say anything, there was nothing her mother could criticize her for.

"Are you ready to order?" asked a waitress, standing over their table.

Meredith smiled slightly and placed her order, with Ellis following. The waitress smiled, took their menus, and went off to place their orders. Without the menus to distract themselves with the silence became awkward.

After a few minutes of avoiding each other's gazes, Ellis spoke: "How is school going?"

"Fine," shrugged Meredith. "I have a 3.8 GPA."

"Why not a 4.0?" Ellis demanded immediately. "I maintained a 4.0 throughout high school and college. It's that Derek, isn't it. He's become a distraction, as I knew he would.

"Derek is not a distraction, mother," she snapped. "He's my boyfriend, my best friend, and my life."

"School should be your life right now, Meredith. And nothing else."

"Maybe that was true for you, Mother," she grumbled.

"Have you started studying for the MCATs?" Ellis asked, forcibly changing the subject.

Meredith stared down at her hands in her lap, twiddling her thumbs, anything to avoid her mother's glare. "I don't know that I want to go to medical school. Derek wants to but I'm not sure yet."

"Excuse me." Ellis cold eyes seemed to stare right through Meredith.

"I said-"

"I know what you said, Meredith," she said abruptly. "That is unacceptable. Your whole life, you've been destined for med school. You've always wanted to go."

"No, Mother. You've always wanted me to go. There's a difference," Meredith implored harshly.

"Meredith, this-" Ellis was momentarily speechless. "I raised you to be extraordinary."

"You barely raised me. Carolyn Shepherd raised me."

"That is not true, Meredith. You are _my_ daughter. You already turned down Harvard to come here to be with that boy-"

"_That boy_ has a name," hissed Meredith, gripping the side of the table.

"I honestly don't care, Meredith. You were supposed to be extraordinary in life and as a surgeon. Now, you're no more than ordinary," she spat.

"Well I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your impossible standards. I'm not you.

"I'm well aware of that," said Ellis snidely. "_I _never let a man influence my decisions."

"I don't do that. I make my own decisions based on what's right for me, and that's Derek. In any case, you're no model. You couldn't hold your husband because he couldn't stand you! You're just bitter and alone." At that point, Meredith was nearly shouting. A few people looked over to their table but Meredith could have cared less. She knew her mother asked her out in public so this couldn't happen but she wasn't going to take it.

"We're in public, Meredith. Please, try to maintain some composure," she said with an irritating calmness.

"I don't care, Mother." She grabbed her clutch and stood.

"Sit down this instant," snapped Ellis.

"I won't, Mother. I'm leaving. I'm going back to my ordinary life that you're no longer a part of."

With that, Meredith stormed out of the restaurant and on to the crowded streets of Manhattan. Suddenly her lungs felt like they were contracting, restricting her breath. "Crap," she muttered to herself. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes but she sniffled, and held herself together. She raised a hand to wipe away a stray tear but stomped towards the nearest subway station. It took all of her power to make it to hers and Derek's far-uptown studio apartment.

Once she got there she dashed into their bed, flopping down heavily, still fully dressed. Sobs wracked her body and she grabbed Derek's pillow, inhaling his comforting scent. After some time her sobs quieted to sniffles, then stilled to nothingness as she fell asleep.

XXX

Derek dropped his book bag on the ground as he walked into the apartment and kicked off his shoes. He didn't see Meredith's shoes anywhere, making him curious. "Mer?" he called out. He walked into the alcove where their bed was, finding his girlfriend sprawled out, fully dressed, on their bed on top of his pillow. He lay down so that his face was facing hers and noticed the red and puffy lining of her eyelids and the tear tracks.

Softly, he used one hand jostling her awake and leaned in to capture her lips in a soft kiss. "Mer," he whispered. He noticed one of her green eyes open, look at him, then close deliberately. "Hey," he chuckled softly. "What's going on?"

"Bad day," she muttered. "I feel dark and twisty."

"What'd Ellis do this time?" he asked angrily. Every time Meredith saw her mother, he ended up cleaning up the pieces, not that he minded, but it hurt him to see her so upset.

Meredith opened her eye fully to look at him, about to start the story. "Wait," he stopped her. "Why don't you get out of that dress and get compfy. I'll order some Italian food from that place you like and we can curl in bed and you can tell me."

"You're perfect," she sighed. Her mothers words stopped stinging a little: Derek was her world and she was okay with that. She knew she was strong and independent but sometimes it was nice to have a shoulder to lean on, something Ellis Grey never understood.

"I try." With a wink he got up to grab her Columbia t-shirt and a pair of sweats, before throwing them back at her. "Get dressed and I'll order the food."

When Derek got back, Meredith was snuggled at the head of the bed, under covers. He dragged off his own jeans and pulled off his shirt, leaving him in just a pair of boxers and an undershirt. He got in bed, gathering his girlfriend in his arms.

"So, tell me."

She told him everything Ellis had said and he'd sat and listened because he knew that was the best way. Once he could tell she was done he hugged her close, kissing the top of her head.

"You are the most…extraordinary person I've ever met," he assured her wholeheartedly. "Whatever you decide to do with your life, I will be proud of you and I will love you. Mom will love you and be proud of you. The sisters will love you and be proud of you. With all those people, what does Ellis matter?"

Meredith sniffled a little, raising his chin to him with a small smile. He smiled back, leaning down to kiss her lips gently. "She doesn't," Meredith agrees.

"Whatever makes you happy, I want you to do."

The doorbell rang and Derek gave Meredith a quick kiss to her temple, then walked away towards the door. He looked over his shoulder, smiling softly at her, before turning back.

With a smile, she watched him walk away, pulling the blankets up to her chin. Somehow, even with the horrible conversation with her mother earlier, she felt lucky.

_I love you,_  
><em>Shine on.<em>

XXX

**A/N: So tell me what you think!**


	19. Naloxone

**A/N: Hey. SO sorry for the wait. I'm in a show and have just been out all the time... and procrastinating. I also really don't like how this turned out... oh well.**

XXX

**DECEMBER 13, 2001**

Meredith reached to tie her hair back, pulling it into a messy bun. She sat, surrounded by books, papers, and a box of pizza, spread out on hers and Derek's bed. Her hand scribbled furiously on the piece of paper in front of her. She'd been studying for days but her last final was the next morning and it was her hardest class. The professor was a renowned doctor, and Cornell Weil's best, but he was a jerk and the hardest grader Meredith had ever encountered.

Derek had his last final earlier in the day so he was done, out with a friend from Columbia, which was fine for Meredith. The peace and quiet was welcomed.

"Hey," said Derek, walking into the room.

Meredith jumped a foot in the air, putting a hand over her racing heart as she looked up at her boyfriend "God, Derek, you scared the crap out of me."

"Guess you didn't hear me come in, then," he surmised, sitting on the only open corner of the bed.

"No. Been studying." She looked away from him, turning back to her books.

"So, I had an idea, after your last final tomorrow. You and me, we'll go out for a nice dinner," he suggested.

"Great. Der," she said shortly. Realizing her tone she looked up and sighed running a hand through her messy hair. "Sorry, I love you but I need to study."

"I can quiz you," he offered happily, leaning forwards to kiss her cheek. "I'm pretty confident in my vast knowledge." He smiled cockily at her.

"That'd be great," she nodded, handing him her textbook.

XXX

"It feels so good to be done, at least for a few weeks," she sighed, squeezing Derek's hand as they walked down the dimly lit street, nearing their uptown apartment.

"I know," he joined in agreement, looking down to his side at her.

"And it feels good to wear something besides dirty sweats and my Cornell t-shirt," she said, looking down at her little black dress. "I didn't think I'd ever miss actually brushing my hair but I did."

"I missed it too," he teased.

"Ass!" She said in mock anger, bumping her hip against his hard. He stumbled slightly to the side.

Grinning mischievously at her, he lurched back, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her in to his side. "I'm kidding. You're adorable even when you're covered in pizza grease and have bags under your eyes," he assured her, smiling without a hint of placation. His lips pressed to the side of her temple as they walked.

She looked up and smiled slightly with a quirked eyebrow. "Thanks… I think."

Without a word he stopped them, just down the block from their building, pulling her forwards to place a hard kiss on her lips, hands wrapped around her slender waist. "You're welcome," he grinned, and then led her forwards.

They made their way into the building, only letting go of each other to walk up the three flights of stairs. Entering their apartment they began taking off their coats and shoes, and Derek walked over to check their answering machine, with the flashing red light.

Pressing the button, his mother's voice came out from the speaker: "Derek, Meredith, I hope you get this soon. I really wish you two had cell phones. Amelia was in an accident. I think she's okay, a bit shaken and she's got a broken arm, but could you go be with her until I can get in there? She's at the Meadowlands Hospital in Secaucus, New Jersey. I'm going to drive down right away. I think Nancy and Kath-" Before she could finish, the machine beeped and her voice cut off.

Both Meredith and Derek's hearts sunk into their chests. Derek looked at Meredith desperately, not knowing what to do. She opened her arms, enclosing him in them. He didn't cry, though part of him wanted to.

He only wished this was surprising.

"We should go," he said, pushing back from Meredith.

"Yeah," she croaked softly. "Let me just change quickly. You might want to too. It'll be a long, long night."

They quickly went about getting ready, putting on comfortable clothes and putting together whatever they might need. Meredith grabbed an extra pair of clothes for Amelia, figuring she might need them.

Once they were ready, they walked back downstairs and walked out to where Derek parked his motorcycle. He'd fixed up his father's over the summer and brought it back to the city, opting to leave his Mustang back at his mother's since he rarely needed a car.

Derek got on, revved up the engine, passed Meredith a helmet, put on his own, and Meredith climbed on behind him, arms around his waist.

XXX

"Can you tell me about Amelia Shepherd's condition?" Derek asked frantically, walking up to the nurse's desk.

"Are you family?" she questioned.

"Brother," he replied.

"One moment." The nurse stood, rustling through a stack of folders to her right until she seemed to find Amelia's. Opening it, Derek watched as her face went cold. "Let me get the doctor to talk to you."

"Is everything okay?" he worried.

"Let me get the doctor," she repeated, standing up.

Derek turned away, ripping a hand through his hair. Meredith ran a hand over his back, trying to calm him. He took a few deep breaths and took his girlfriend's hand. They shared a look of worry, Meredith silently trying to calm him, knowing Derek he was seconds away from flying off the handle.

"Are you Amelia's brother?" a male voice asked. The couple turned around to see a guy in green scrubs and a lab coat.

"Yes," he said, "Derek Shepherd."

"I'm Dr. Leone," the man replied.

"Is my sister okay?"

"She's stable now. We took a blood sample and it looks like she overdosed on morphine while driving. Luckily, she wasn't badly harmed and no one else was in the car. We're giving her naloxone to counteract the overdose."

Derek began to fidget slightly, loosing sympathy for his sister. "Did she crash into another car?"

"No. Just a pole," the doctor replied. "We'll keep her at least until tomorrow afternoon to monitor her. Are either of your parents coming?"

"Her mother is on her way," Meredith pitched in.

"Okay, there are a few things we need to talk about but I'll wait until she arrives. You can see your sister now if you want."

He nodded and the doctor gave them the room number. Derek dropped Meredith's hand walking in front of her to Amelia's room.

Walking in Derek's heart almost stopped. There lay his baby sister, pale as the sheets she rested on, wires and tubes coming out of her from every which way. She looked so broken. Yet, he couldn't feel completely sorry for her.

Meredith wrapped an arm around his waist, trying to steady him. Derek looked to her gratefully. There was nothing left to do so they sat and waited.

_But it's too far gone_  
><em>They wind him down with the methadone<em>  
><em>He's all on his own<em>


	20. Help

**A/N: This chapter gave me so much trouble. I hope it turned out well.**

* * *

><p>Derek's arms crossed over his chest, eyebrow furred in anger and worry. Amelia's pale face barely contrasted against the white of the pillow under her head. Dried blood still cracked against her skin as she slept. There was a false sense of peace in the room with the constant, steady beeping of the machines and the swooshing sound of the air conditioners.<p>

Inside, Derek felt nothing near peace. Meredith sat beside him, arms curled around her knees, as she watched Amelia intently. He could feel her gaze turn to him every so often but he rarely looked over. He just kept staring at his sister.

The sound of the door opening shocked him out of his anger-induced trance and he looked to find his mother, quietly walking fast into the room.

"How is she?" Carolyn whispered frantically, rushing into the room. Derek didn't answer, rubbing both hands over his face instead.

Meredith stood to greet her surrogate mother, leaning in for a hug. Immediately, Carolyn pulled her in, squeezing until Meredith had to tap her shoulder to get air.

"She's fine physically," said Meredith. "The doctor wanted to talk to you though."

"I'll be back in a moment," she replied hoarsely. "I'm going to go see if I can get him paged."

As soon as she left, Meredith turned to her boyfriend. "Derek, you need to calm down before Amelia wakes up," she insisted quietly.

He didn't answer. Sighing heavily, she perched on the arm of his chair, putting an arm around his shoulders. Her hand gently played with the curls at the nape of his neck.

He could almost feel some tension sloughing off him like a snake sloughing skin, at the gesture of love and support, but much still remained.

"Derek, you won't help Amelia by screaming at her."

"I'm not going to scream," he replied coldly.

"Derek-"

"Meredith, she's out of control!" he implored, finally looking away from his sister's paleness and up to his girlfriend's concerned face. "She crashed dad's car! She's killing mom, and she's ruining her life!"

"Then talk to her."

"I've talked. I've talked until my mouth was dry but it does nothing."

"She's just-"

"She's always been this way, Meredith," he sighed heavily, jerking a hand through his curls. "And it needs to stop."

"She needs _help_," Meredith implored.

"Then we'll get it for her."

"And support." Meredith stared at him. He looked away. "From her brother especially."

Derek didn't respond and they fell into a heavy silence.

* * *

><p>Meredith watched as Amelia's eyes blinked tiredly, looking heavy. She stood from the chair, leaning back over her fists until her back made a satisfying crack, then sat down beside Amelia's bed.<p>

"Where's Derek?" the younger girl asked in a croaking, tired voice.

"He and your mom went down to the cafeteria to eat."

Amelia turned her head to the side, away from Meredith. "They hate me."

"They don't hate you," sighed Meredith, taking Amelia's hand in hers. "They're just frustrated. You've been closed off for years, Amelia. They want to help and they don't know what to do anymore."

She didn't reply so they sat in silence for a few minutes.

Before either spoke again, the doctor walked in to the room, chart in hard. "Amelia, I'd like to have a word with you now that you're awake," he said. Turning to Meredith he tries to silently shoo her out the door.

"Can Meredith stay?" Amelia asked immediately.

"Do you want your mother or-"

"Just Meredith," she jumps in, looking to her pseudo-sister. Meredith looks back with a sort of unspoken happiness and disappointment, as she grabs Amelia's hand.

* * *

><p>Tiredly, Meredith lugs her overworked body through the hospital cafeteria, scanning for Derek and Carolyn. Finally she spotted them, tiredly bent over the plastic table.<p>

"Did the doctor talk to her without me there?" Carolyn questioned frantically as Meredith sat at the table.

"He did," said Meredith.

"Why didn't she wait?"

"The doctor asked but she didn't want anyone there."

"So she was all alone?" worried Carolyn.

"I was with her."

"Oh, thank heavens."

"What did he say?" Derek asked grumpily.

"He talked to her about enrolling in a drug treatment program so she can recover and get her life back on track," she said. "They'll have therapy and really get to the bottom of all her issues."

Derek shrugged.

"That's wonderful," said Carolyn. "I'll go up and sit with her. You two talk for a few minutes." She shot Meredith a, Deal-with-him look.

"We'll be up later," replied Meredith. She watches intently as Carolyn grabs her bag and makes her way out of the cafeteria. Once she's out of eye and ear shot, Meredith turns to her boyfriend.

"I need you to talk to me," she told him. "I'm sick of this lack of sympathy you continue to show for your sister. I'm sick of having to explain to her why her brother, who she looks up to, won't see her. So, seriously, Derek, start talking."

"I'm just done," he said stubbornly. "It's always some excuse with her. And she just…uses Dad's death as a reason for all her problems."

"Derek, it was an incredibly traumatic-"

"I was there too Meredith," he snapped. "I was there, I watched him die. I felt his cold skin under my hands. I kept my life together. I'm fine."

Meredith sighed. She could see the anger, frustration, and sadness welling in his eyes. Grabbing her half full coffee, she took his hand and dragged him up. They didn't speak as they walked through the hallway. Finally, Meredith found a seemingly abandoned hallway with a gurney against the wall. She took a sip of coffee, threw it out then pulled Derek down with her on the gurney.

"Derek, I was there with you, remember," she said. He nodded. "I held Amelia through it all. I know we managed to come out of it without drug habits or attitude problems but you don't think the rage you have because of it affects people? You don't think your façade of being strong doesn't turn your family away sometimes? We all cope in our own ways. And Amelia happened to pick a dangerous coping mechanism. But you need to be there for her, support her, so she can finally get the help she needs."

Derek watched her face move, the contortion of each muscle, registering her every word. Slightly, he nodded.

Meredith's lips curl in to the smallest of smiles and she pulls his body into hers, cradling him like a drowned puppy.

* * *

><p>Peering into the room, he saw his mother, fast asleep in a chair beside his sister's bed. Awkwardness swelled in him as he stood in the doorway, willing himself to walk through the doorway, put a fake smile on, and talk to his sister.<p>

For a few minutes he just waited, watching his sleeping sister. She seemed so peaceful, so innocent. He felt more like he was looking at a picture of her at four, before their father's death.

Sucking in a deep breath he walked through the doorway, carefully perching on her bed. He placed his hands over hers, hovering over her. She stirred, nose scrunching like a bunny. It made Derek smile as he saw a flash of four-year-old Amelia once more. Her eyes fluttered open and bugged widely, staring up at her brother.

"We're going to get you help," he told his sister with a straight face and she nodded, her eyes never leaving his.

That was all they said.

_Sometimes tears say all there is to say_  
><em>Sometimes your first scars won't ever fade away<em>


	21. Sleep

**A/N: So this would have been up a week ago but my hard drive failed just as I was going on my computer to post a chapter, bye bye! I rewrote it and I hope it's okay!**

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><p><strong>JUNE 1, 2002<strong>

She figured she must have looked possessed as she stormed into the ER, hair tousled from sleep, eyes red from tears, and clothes wrinkled from pulling on whatever was on the floor. "Can you tell me anything about Derek Shepherd's condition?" she questioned the floor nurse frantically, wiping tears off her face. Make-up from a failed evening stained under her eyes.

"Are you related?" the nurse asked.

"He's my idiot."

"But are you related?"

"He's my fiancé." She knew the lie was necessary. Explaining their relationship was too complicated and the term "girl friend" wasn't going to get her into his room.

The nurse hesitated before grabbing Derek's chart. "Well," said the nurse, peering at a chart in front of her. "He sustained minor injuries, a concussion, a broken arm, and a fractured femur. He also bruised two ribs but it's not something the doctor is worried about."

Letting out a sigh of relief, she let her head fall back slightly before looking up at the nurse. "Thank you." The nurse gave her a forced smile but she ignored it. "What room is he in?"

The nurse looked at her skeptically, as if still trying to decide if she was actually family, before turning to look at his chart. "Room 1771."

"Thank you," huffed Meredith. The loud two ventricle thudding of her heart echoed in her ears as she followed signs to the room. Finally she happened upon the door but it felt like there was a forcefield, not letting her pass. She stood in the doorway, looking in on the peaceful room.

It felt like her heart was twisted in her chest as she watched Derek's sleeping form. His skin was nearly as pale as the rough looking pillow his head rested against; the usually coiffed raven curls that adorned his head were matted against his forehead limply with sweat. Crinkles of dry blood creased his forehead; he looked near death, though she knew he wasn't that bad.

Finally her body let her move again and she walked in, perching on the side of the bed. Derek's eyes fluttered open and heavily looked over to her.

"You're an idiot," she said softly, no malice in her tone, just relief.

"I looove you," he slurred.

"They gave you morphine, didn't they," she smiled knowingly.

He nodded slightly, head falling against the pillow heavily.

"Sleep," she coaxed, stroking

He groaned. 'M sorry, Mer," he said, his eyelids fluttering. "I shouldn't-"

She shushed him kissing the corner of his mouth. She could smell vomit on his breath. "Sleep. We'll talk when you're feeling better."

He nodded and within a minute was asleep.

* * *

><p>The next time Derek woke up he was more coherent. Meredith could tell the morphine had worn off a bit and he was slightly more awake. She leaned forward in her chair next to his bed. "How are you feeling?" she asked.<p>

"Kind of like my brain was rattling around in my skull," he joked tiredly.

"Press the morphine button," she encouraged.

"I'm fine. I want to be loopy-free for a few minutes."

"But if you're in pain-"

"I'm okay," he assured her. "I just want to be with you for a few minutes without the morphine. I can deal with the pain."

Reluctantly, she nodded.

"So tonight has been a good night," started Meredith with feigned calmness. She decided if he wanted to talk, she'd talk. "First you storm off on that death trap, and then I get a hysterical call from your mother saying you're in the hospital."

"Mer I-"

"No. She calls and-and she says she doesn't know what happened besides the fact that you totaled your motorcycle. What the hell am I supposed to think?"

"I'm sorry." His voice was scratchy and his whole body sagged. Immediately she knew it was too sighed and sat beside him, taking his hand. He pulled her closer with his unbroken arm, keeping her hand firmly trapped in his. "I'm sorry I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have driven off like that."

"No, you shouldn't have."

Derek raised his hand to stroke her cheek. "I'm sorry I worried you. And I'm sorry about-"

She could see him falling apart. His eyes gave it away. He was in pain and it made her ache. "We'll talk more when you're feeling better," she assured him. Keeping him busy, looking into his drooping eyes, she managed to slide the morphine button out of Derek's had.

"Mer-"

She shushed him, pressing it down. Turning so she could perch beside him, she pulled him towards her on his good side, putting his head on her chest. He pillowed there, slowly drifting to sleep.

* * *

><p>Derek woke up to the sound of soft talking beside him. It took a few minutes of listening for the foggy cloud in his brain to drift away. He quickly identified the talking voice as Meredith, talking in soft calming tones. Once his eyes fluttered open he saw her on the phone, completely immersed in the conversation. He laid quietly, watching her, how she moved, what her face did, trying to figure out who she was talking to. But he didn't interrupt. He didn't think his arm would move to tap her anyways.<p>

It felt like every bone in his body had just turned to led weights, besides his arm, leg, and some of his ribs which throbbed. Meredith said her goodbyes to whoever she was talking to

"How long have you been up?" she asked.

"A minute." Time had lagged, slowed, and twisted around his drug addled mind so he wasn't sure that was true. It could have been an hour or ten seconds.

She nodded. "That was mom. She said you're an idiot."

His lips curled into a small smile but the pain in his ribs kept a short laugh in his belly. "So she's mad?"

Meredith smiled and nodded. "I assured her she didn't have to come down here but she wants to come take care of you when you're home."

"And when will that be?" he asked anxiously. The stiff hospital bed was making his back ache and all he wanted to do was lay down with Meredith in their comfortable bed.

"Doctor came to talk to me about an hour ago. He said you can go home today."

"What time is it?" he croaked.

"Ten AM."

"What time did you come?"

"About one in the morning," she said tiredly.

"Have you slept?" It seemed like his words made her realize she hadn't and he could tell, even with his eyelids threatening to close. She reached up and rubbed a hand over her hair.

"Don't worry about me," she smiled, stroking his face. "You're the one in the hospital bed."

"I'll always worry about you." And he meant it. He couldn't not when her perfect face was sagging and the undersides of her eyes were a darkened color.

With a smile she leaned in and kissed his lips lightly. "Take another rest before we go home," she said.

He started to give into the exhaustion that still took over his body and let his eyes flutter again. "Love you," he said, feeling his eyes slowly shutting again.

He couldn't tell if she responded because the foggy cloud around his body seeped into his ears as he fell asleep.

_And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide_  
><em>Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side<em>  
><em>Storm clouds may gather,<em>  
><em>And stars may collide<em>

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><p><strong>AN: Your reviews make me SOAR. Keep them coming. You guys are great.**


	22. Ring

**A/N: Enjoy! Important one.**

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><p><strong>SEPTEMBER 17, 2002<strong>

Sunlight peeked through the blinds of the bedroom, tickling Meredith's eyelids. She scrunched her eyes tighter, trying to ignore it, and moved towards Derek's side, intending to bury her face in his chest. When her arm flopped down on cold sheets she frowned, pushing herself upright, hair in her eyes, to look for him. The room was empty and his side of the bed felt as if no one had slept there in hours. He couldn't have been showering, it was too quiet in the apartment; she also heard no clank and crash of plates in the kitchen. Sleepily she rolled out of bed, rubbing her eyes as she walked around the too small apartment, looking for Derek. In the hall she found a bag, yet no sign of Derek. Curious, she looked down and found a blue post-it with her name on top of the bag.

_Mer-_

_This bag is packed for you. Come find me._

_Sometimes you want to go_

_Where everybody knows your name_

_And you're always glad you came..._

_-Derek_

"What are you doing, Derek?" she asked herself. Reading the clue over again she recognized the Cheers theme and figured out where it was leading her: home. Not their crappy NYC apartment home that they rented from a man who needed better personal hygiene, but their childhood home. Without thinking anymore about it she got showered and dressed and got some coffee, playing along with Derek. It wasn't until she got downstairs that she realized she didn't have a car.

Sighing she resigned herself to getting on the train and asking Mom to pick her up. But, once she pushed the door open with her back, coffee mug in one hand and the bag in her other, she noticed a car parked on the street with a big M taped to the side. Getting closer she noticed a blue post-it under the windshield wiper.

_Yours for the day._

_Look inside front pocket of bag._

_-Der_

Her brow furrowed and she dug through the front pocket until the felt she sharp key against her palm. She pulled it out, opened the car, got in, throwing the duffle bag to the passenger seat, and started the drive home.

* * *

><p>Hoping whatever game Derek was playing would end at home, Meredith got out of the car and locked up. Walking to the door she sighed, seeing a blue posit-it. Not over then.<p>

_Leave the bag on the doorstep and come find me._

_((5+34)(124-123))-38 st / K+BLISS-B-L_

She did the math and solved the puzzle. _1st KISS_.

Curious, she started walking towards the playground where, at 14 they shared their first kiss.

It was unusually empty for a weekend, without a kid in sight. It looked completely different from when they were young. According to Carolyn, the neighborhood had done a fundraiser to fix it up and whatever they did, she could see worked. Despite the new equipment though she could tell exactly where everything used to be.

Moving into the area where she'd fallen off the monkey bars, she noticed yet another blue post-it.

_I love you._

Her lips curled into a smile at it but before she could pick her head up, she could feel a presence settle in front of her. When she did look up she saw Derek standing in front of her, presenting a black, velvet box to her.

"Where we're standing right now is where I first realized I wanted to be in your life until we died. I of course thought of it in an overly romanticized fourteen year old way but I knew I needed you as more than a friend. I'd thought of asking you to the dance for weeks but it wasn't until we kissed that I realized how deeply I'd fallen. That was 17 years ago today. Our relationship is completely different but one thing is the same: I love you, Meredith Grey," he said. She just watched his face as he spoke, tears welling in her eyes, hands clenched so she didn't pounce before he was done.

"So, I'm not going to get down on one knee. I'm not going to ask a question. I love you Meredith Grey and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me."

Meredith couldn't breathe. The tears welled up in her eyes and she just started to nod frantically. She launched herself forwards and threw her arms around Derek's neck. Their lips pressed together tightly, yet chastly. She pulled back, looking at him.

"We're getting married!" she laughed.

He nodded with a smile and dipped her over. She let out a squeal but his lips quieted it quickly, closing over hers.

When they'd both sobered enough, Derek took his fiancé's hand, slipping the ring on.

Meredith put her hand out, while keeping the other on Derek, and admired the ring. "This is mom's ring," she said curiously.

"She wanted you to have it," said Derek.

"But the sisters-"

"We're different," he implores. "It's like one of her kids is marrying another in a non-incestuous kind of way. She said there's not a more perfect match. Nancy and Luke and Kathy and Kev are great but no one is us." To punctuate the point he popped a quick peck on her lips.

"I have to go thank her."

"Let's go then," he smiled. They stood for a moment, just grinning widely at each other. Meredith jumped forwards again, latching on to him like a monkey.

"We're getting married," she laughed.

He hugged her tightly, pressing a kiss against her cheek. With her still in his arms he began to walk.

"Derek!" she giggled, wiggling herself down.

Suddenly thunder cracked and the skies opened up, just like they had on the day of their first kiss. They could do nothing but laugh. Derek motioned for Meredith to get on his back. Feeling playful, she hoisted herself up and let Derek run her back to the house. Despite the rain pouring over them they laughed happily.

Meredith felt like her cheeks would burst from happiness. Somewhere in her conscious mind she couldn't help but think what her life would be like had the Shepherds not brought her into their family, if she'd gone without having a healthy relationship in her life. Of course she felt melancholy about the situation with her mother sometimes but she never had to dwell because she had a mother that had only shown her love and affection, despite them not being blood related. Today of all days she could feel nothing but appreciation for the family that taught her how to be happy.

Though under that there was still some fear, a small part of her that wanted to go curl up with a bottle of tequila and freak about getting married, making that huge a commitment to the only guy she ever dated. But it was Derek and somehow it didn't seem all that scary.

Once they got onto the porch, Derek set Meredith down easily on the ground. "You okay?"

"Of course," she said, plastering on her biggest grin while pushing any insecurity down.

"I'm glad I got through my little speech without the rain," he commented. "I hadn't even noticed the overcast."

"Me neither."

"Ready to go inside?" he asked happily.

She nodded and he opened the door.

"Surprise!" a chorus of voices shouted out before Meredith could even adjust her eyes to the brightness of the room. Her eyes traveled around the room, trying to see who was there. She could hear Derek laughing next to her, probably at her surprised face.

"Surprise," he echoed, right in her ear.

"Did you do this?" she asked him.

"Well, he told Mom he was proposing and Mom went and blabbed to us," teased Kathleen.

"So we decided we had to have a surprise party for you!" finished Nancy.

"Congratulations!" they both squealed, pulling her in for a double hug. She happily hugged back.

"You're getting married!" exclaimed Kathleen. "We're going to officially be sisters!"

"Let me at her!" Carolyn insisted before Meredith could respond. The second the girls moved away Carolyn pulled her into bear hug. "Congratulations dear!"

"Thank you, Mom."

"I love it when you call me that."

"It's only right. I can't even begin to thank you for the ring. I don't feel-"

"Hush," said Carolyn. "It was meant for you. As soon as I had Derek I knew I'd have to part with the ring. And Christopher told me so. Then, one afternoon when you two were young, we were watching you play out the window and he told me.." she paused, dabbing a tear in the corner of her eye. "He told me that one day Derek would ask you to marry him."

"We were only kids," laughed Meredith.

"I think he knew," she smiled sadly. "It's only fitting that you have it, dear. That's what he would have wanted."

She could feel a knot in her throat and a watery film covering her eyes. "Thank you."

They hugged again, long and slow. Once the tearful interaction was over the party went into full swing, all the guests passing her around to give their congratulations.

Periodically she'd make her way back to her fiancé, the man she'd spend the rest of her life with.

_Hey baby,  
>I think I wanna marry you<em>

* * *

><p>AN: Hope you all liked it. Every review makes my heart sing!


	23. Alzheimers

**A/N: Hey guys. Remember me? Yeah. I'm that stupid author who hasn't updated in months.**

**Anyways, I'm back. There's really no excuse but if it helps I was in London studying abroad for nearly 4 months then had the whole first semester at college thing. Now it's summer so hopefully I'll be pumping out updates!**

**Right now I'm working on reworking the old chapters but I'll still be writing new ones. (I also will be editing some dates)**

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><p><strong>2 YEARS LATER- DECEMBER 2006<strong>

"Thank you." With a shaking hand, Meredith leaned over the arm of the couch and jammed the telephone into the receiver. She sat back and stared blankly at the wall in front of her.

Derek put a hand on her thigh and rubbed up and down, breaking her staring contest with the wall. "Mer?"

She turned her face to look at him. He gave her his perfectly dreamy, concerned eyes.

"My mother has Alzheimer's," she told him.

Derek turned his body to face her more.

"Apparently it's already progressed pretty far," she said. "The woman at the nursing home said she checked herself in a few months ago so she wouldn't be a bother to anyone. It took her weeks to have a lucid enough day to figure out if she had family to call."

"I-"

Meredith could tell he was at a loss for words so she just leaned into his side. Quickly he pushed aside his book and pulled her into him. She just lay there for a few minutes, stiff as a board. All she could do was stare at the coffee table in front of her. She followed the grooves with her eyes, mapping out a pattern and finding the smallest imperfections. She listened to Derek's heartbeat in her ears, a steady rhythm to hold on to.

Minutes later, she forced her eyes to blink a few times to snap herself out of the daze and sat up. "I think I'm going to go lay down for a bit," she said.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.

"No, I just want to be alone."

He nodded. "Okay, just, let me know if you need me."

She forced a half-smile at him, nodded, and went into their room. Times like these it was hard for her not to go into their very empty liquor cabinet and grab the one bottle of tequila she knew was in there. But she resisted.

If she got that bottle of tequila and got a nice numbing drunk going, Derek would just be there, watching her being annoyingly perfect and comforting. So she lay down and tried to close her eyes.

As soon as her eyes closed in the still room, thoughts began to overcome her. Part of her thought she'd should be there for her mother, another part wondered if she was ever really present enough to be considered her mother. They hadn't talked since their fight over med school and now it seemed it'd never be resolved. But there was one thought that kept echoing through her mind, over an over. Would her mother know who she was?

Finally the worries tired her out, lulling her into sleep.

* * *

><p>Meredith rubbed sleep out of her eyes and rolled awkwardly out of her and Derek's bedroom wrapped in a gray blanket. From the clock in their room she estimated that she'd been asleep around two hours.<p>

"Hey," Derek said, his head turning to look at her as she walked into the kitchen. "I made dinner."

"Thanks." She sat at the kitchen bar, sinking down tiredly, head in her hands.

"How are you doing?

She shrugged.

He walked up next to her and smoothed his hands over her shoulders. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly as he pressed a kiss to the back of her head.

She sighed, relaxing back into him. "Not really."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"We can talk whenever you're ready." He spoke calmly and softly.

She didn't say anything.

"I went out and got you some strawberry ice cream."

She smiled the largest smile she could muster. "Thank you."

He grabbed the strawberry ice cream and a spoon and beckoned Meredith to their beat up old couch. She curled into his side as he pulled the lid off the carton. He handed her the ice cream and the spoon then put the lid on the table. Immediately she dug into it like a rabid animal, the dinner Derek made forgotten in the kitchen. After a few bites she scooped a plentiful scoop onto the spoon and put it to Derek's lips.

He opened obediently and cleaned off the spoon.

"You have terrible taste in ice cream," he said; his tongue frozen with the ice cream on it.

"Shut up."

She could feel him watching her as she ate but she ignored it. After a few more bites she felt sick and stopped eating, resting the ice cream and the spoon on the coffee table.

As she sat back, Derek wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed the side of her face.

She leaned into him. "Derek, she's in Seattle. She's all alone there. I don't know what to do. Do I do anything? She didn't even tell me she was sick. Why should I do anything?"

"Seattle has ferry boats," he said loftily. He looked down at her. "I like ferry boats."

She knew it wasn't the end of the conversation and there would still internship positions to think about and family and one hundred other things but for even suggesting it she leaned in, pressed a hand to the side of his face, and kissed his jaw.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Alright! Hope you liked it. I haven't actually decided what's going to happen in Seattle yet but we'll get there!**


	24. Planning

**A/N: Hi, terrible me here again. I have no explanation besides writers block. But here it is. It's mostly a filler and it kind of stinks but it's hinting at what's coming (pretty much the namesake of this fic). Hope you're still out there and will encourage me with your loving (or ****otherwise) reviews. Sorry again for the wait, loves!**

**PS: You'll notice I randomly changed this story to present tense because I was having too much trouble writing past (I haven't written in the past tense in a while). And I'm editing the past chapters anyways so I'm changing those.**

**2 YEARS 4 MONTHS LATER- MARCH 2009**

Meredith shifts slightly, moving further back towards Derek's chest. He adjusts his head so his chin rests on her shoulder, looking over at the ring on her finger. "We set a date," she says.

The ring glimmers a little in the sunlight. Usually she doesn't wear it on her finger, favoring to wear it on a necklace for surgery but she and Derek have the day off so she put it on.

"We set a date."

"September seventeenth. We set a date and we're getting married."

"We are." He leans in, kisses her neck and lingers for a moment.

"It's all real and…happening." Her voice wavers a little. She isn't scared of marrying Derek at all, or so she tells herself. They've pretty much been together for their whole lives, and that's scary in itself. But she loves Derek more than anything. So marriage is the next step.

"You good?"

"Yeah, yes." She turns a little so she can see his face and smiles softly.

"I hear a but."

She looks back at the ring and shrugs. "I'm not really a huge wedding bride or poofy white dress bride."

"We'll get naked and get married in a field of flowers." He squeezes her around the middle a little, rubbing a stubbley chin over her cheek.

Meredith giggles and snuggles back into his arms. He kisses her again. "I'm not a naked bride. I was thinking we could have it your mom's back yard just with your sisters and a few friends. Nothing to frilly or flowery."

"Sounds perfect."

"I told the sisters they could help out with the wedding because I thought Kathleen was gonna cry when I told her our date.

"Just remember, you're the one who invited them in to our lives." Meredith hits him then proceeds to pull him out of bed for a shower.

* * *

><p>"Derek. I can't deal with this." Meredith storms into the break room where Derek sits alone, drinking a cup of coffee and reading a Neurology Journal. "Kathleen and Nancy call me every hour to talk wedding." When he doesn't look up from his journal, she sits down next to him, takes the journal out of his hands, and puts it down. He looks at her and crosses one leg over the other.<p>

"They've got a guest list going of 200 people. I don't even know 200 people! And Kathleen booked the most 'absolutely darling church I've ever seen'." They're emailing me pictures of huge, poufy wedding dresses. I don't know what to do!"

"You're the one that told them they could help. If you don't want a huge poofy dress, talk to my sisters," he says slowly before trying to pick up his journal again. Meredith smacks his hand.

He recoils with a fronw.

"Oh yes. As they listen ravenously, ready to devour me if I say anything they don't like!"

He rolls his eyes. "They're not that bad."

"Piranhas, Derek. They are wedding crazed piranhas!"

"Be strong."

"We will have bridesmaids in pink taffeta and you will be wearing a top hat and a morning coat. And somebody will be singing wind beneath my freaking wings."

"Want me to talk to them?" he asks,

"Yes."

Her phone rings. "Oh look who it is. Kathleen with her hourly call," she says with a malicious smile before handing the phone to Derek.

He takes the phone and stands then starts to pace as he talks. Meredith listens as he tries to get a word in but she can hear Kathleen screeching loudly over the phone.

He finally says good bye, presses the "end" button on the phone, and hands the phone back to Meredith, his face utterly defeated. "Apparently a morning coat is non-negotiable. Also we have to make time for ballroom dancing lessons."

He takes the journal he was reading and walks away.

* * *

><p>"I don't get why you put up with them. Just put your foot down and end this," Cristina says, draping her stethoscope over her neck.<p>

Meredith finishes tying her shoes and looks up at Cristina. "They're my family. I don't want to upset them."

"They're Derek's family."

"I was pretty much raised in their house. They're just as much my sisters Derek's." She loves Cristina but honestly her insulting her relationship with Derek's family has gotten old. She does a shot of Tequila and motions for Joe to bring her a beer.

"Whatever. It's your funeral."

"But actually it's my wedding."

"Same thing."

"Two beers," Joe says putting the bottles in front of them.

"Thanks Joe," Meredith replies as he turns away. She turns her attention to Cristina "If you can get over your cynicism for a few minutes. I need to ask you something."

Cristina takes a sip of her beer. "Shoot."

"Would you be one of my bridesmaids?"

"Yeah, Mer. You're my person. I'm not big on weddings anymore, but I'll be there for you with a get away car ready to go." Cristina turns and smiles at her.

Cristina might not be the most supportive best friend but she's always there for Meredith.

"I'm going to hug you now." Meredith pulls her friend in for a hug their mutual tipsiness definitely helping their display of affection. Suddenly the get away car doesn't seem so cynical.


	25. Fellowship

**A/N: You still there? Sorry it's been so long. I haven't written anything in AGES. But I wrote this... here we are the climax. I realized after writing it, it seems really OOC for Derek... but oh well... Just wanted to do it so I could do something for this fic.**

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><p><strong>5 MONTHS LATER – AUGUST 2009<strong>

Derek sits at the kitchen table, staring at the piece of paper in his hand. The edge is a little crumpled where his hand grips it a little too tightly. He tries to take a few deep breaths so he doesn't jump on Meredith when she gets home but it's hard. He puts the paper down, walks over to the fridge, opens the door, looks inside, and closes it again. He walks back and forth behind the island a few times, then sits down again, perched at the edge of the seat.

A few minutes later, he hears the door open, keys jingling, and something thud on the floor. "Derek!"

"Kitchen," he replies.

Meredith walks into the kitchen and kisses Derek on the cheek. "Hey!" She walks over to the refrigerator.

"You got a Fellowship offer. In Paris," Derek says. Meredith freezes hand on the fridge door handle and turns around. "Were you going to tell me or just pick up and run?"

"I didn't tell you about it because I wasn't going to do it. I mean…I thought about it for a minute but I really just wanted to see if I could get it!" she says defensively.

"Meredith, we're getting married in a month. This is something you must have really thought about."

"No, Derek it was just such a good opportunity, it just crossed my mind for a second!"

"Meredith, we're getting married."

Meredith walks over to the island and rests her hands against it. "I know."

"We're supposed to be starting a life. Together. You can't do this!" Derek stands up, turns around, and drags his hand through his hair.

"I _can't_?"

He turns back to face her. "We're getting married."

"You've said that a hundred times! This is something I need to do."

"Hold on, you just went from not doing it to needing to do it!" He stands up.

"Well you said I couldn't!" She puts her head in her hands for a moment and then looks up. "Derek, it's a really great opportunity for me, Derek! For my career!"

"So your career is more important than us?" he says accusatorially.

"No!" She pauses. "I'm… I'm not saying that Derek. I just need to do this. For me."

"What about me? What about us?"

She sighed. "Derek, I've been a 'we' or an 'us' for almost my whole life. It's been you and me. We've never been a part for more than a few days since we were little kids. I need to do something that's for me before we become a 'we' forever. This is just something I need to do, for me. I'm not asking you to be happy about it, can't you just support me? It's only six months."

"I want to Mer, I really do. I've supported you on everything in the past but I can't on this."

"Why not?" she implores.

"Because you're scaring the hell out of me, that's why not," he yells. "A lot can change in six months, Meredith. What if you decide you love Paris and six months turns into a year, or two, or your whole residency. Or you meet some amazing French guy and realize that being with me for so long was a mistake. There's no promise that that can't happen."

"Derek! I love you."

"If you go, that's it for us."

"Derek."

"It's your choice."

"I'm sorry. I need to find who I am outside of us. But Derek please—"

"Fine. Go. I'll be at Mark's until you leave." He grabs his keys off the kitchen counter. "I'll be back for my things." He storms out of the house, slams the door, unlocks his car, and gets in.

He starts driving but he doesn't go to Mark's. He just keeps driving. Without noticing he finds himself parked in front of the local liquor store. He buys a bottle of Jose Cuervo—Meredith's favorite—and dumps on the floor by the passenger seat. He considers going to Mark's and getting horribly drunk and sloppy but he's not ready to face his friend so he just drives.

It's dark when he pulls up to the curb. He puts the car in park, grabs the tequila and pulls the keys out of the ignition. For a while he just wanders, bottle in a brown paper bag, in his hand. He settles for a spot down by the water of the Puget Sound. He sits, just watching the water ripple as he takes swig after swig of the tequila. It doesn't numb him like he wants it to.

He feels angry. Everything feels horrible and sad and angry. How could she leave him? How could she just walk out like that? With no regard for his feelings. Or for them. How would he tell his mom? She'd be devastated. Whose side is she going to take? They'll all hate him. It's not even his fault but they'll still hate him.

Drinking alone stops feeling good.

He closes the bottle and stumbles back towards his car. He stumbles into a tree and leans against it for a moment to regain his balance. But the anger is still there. It overpowers his rational side. He puts the bottle down for a second and his fist swings into the tree. It hurts. He does it again. And twice more before he cries out in pain. "Fuck!" he looks down. It looks like there are two of his right hand but there's blood and it doesn't look good.

He fumbles in his pocket and presses number four on his speed dial. He's never been so happy that Meredith set that up for him.

"Sloan."

"Can you come pick me up?" Derek says, his words slurring a little. Everything feels a bit dizzy.

"Why? Where are you? I've got surgery in an hour."

"I punched a tree."

"You did what?" Mark says loudly.

"Meredith left me and I punched a tree."

"Wait, Meredith left?"

"I think I broke my hand. And I can't drive. I'm drunk."

"Where are you?"

"I'm by the ferry…"

"I need more than that."

"Bain-Bainbridge Island."

"Alright be there in twenty. Just get in your car and sit there, okay? Put your hand on your thigh and don't move."

"Okay."

Derek pockets his phone, grabs the bottle with his good hand and heads back to the car. He sits in the passenger seat and puts his hand on his thigh like Mark said. Then he's out.

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><p>Derek's eyes peek open as he hears a knock on the window. He looks out. It's a little blurry but he thinks Mark is standing out there so he opens the door.<p>

"What the hell Shepherd?" says Mark, dragging Derek out of the car.

"She got a fellowship in Paris. It's over."

"What do you mean 'it's over' you've been together almost for your whole life."

"I don't know." His eyes get watery and it stings a little.

"Alright, let's just get you into the car, okay?"

He nods and lets Mark man-handle him into the front seat of his car.


End file.
